


Life at Home

by countrygirlsfun



Series: The Life of a Soldier [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Alive Hale Family, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Military, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Family Fluff, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Fourth of July, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, Kindergarten Teacher Derek Hale, M/M, POV Alternating, Parents Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Past Character Death, Protective Stiles, Rich Derek Hale, Sick Stiles Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Stilinski Family Feels, Valentine's Day, Wedding Planning, Weddings, Worried Derek, baby fever, military deployment, soldier Stiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-05-30 08:32:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 42,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6416410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/countrygirlsfun/pseuds/countrygirlsfun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life will always have ups and downs, but Stiles is pretty confident that with his family behind him, he and Derek can make it through anything. </p><p> <br/>Another continuation of the AU that started with <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/3174142/chapters/6894388">From Desert to Home</a><br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair

**Author's Note:**

> Herein you'll find timestamps within this AU. They're not all in order and they're not all fluffy but I think when it's all over it will be pretty well balanced :D
> 
> Chapters will not all be even in length, just a forewarning :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Stiles goes back to the Army.

[Nov. 2015]

“No,” Derek cries sadly as he walks in the bathroom.

Stiles is standing in front of the mirror, towel laid down covering the sink and counter. But the worst thing ever is the fact that he’s got an electric razor in his hands and half his head is shaved close to his skull.

Derek _loves_ Stiles’ hair.

He loves running his fingers through it when Stiles is overwhelmed to help calm him down. Loves the way it falls in his eyes when he gets sweaty and warm from working out or playing with the kids. He loves the way it curls ever so slightly around his ears when it gets too long, making him brush it back constantly or run his fingers through it when he’s concentrating.

And yeah, he likes tugging on the softs strands when they’re in bed together but Stiles likes that just as much as he does.

And really, he wouldn’t mind if Stiles wanted to cut his hair. He obviously isn’t about to control his fiancé in such a petty unimportant aspect. But Stiles likes his hair longer too. The only reason he’s shaving his head is because he’s getting ready to do his first teaching stint on base and the commander had politely requested he conform to standard uniform protocols.

Which includes a buzz cut.

Derek pouts as Stiles turns away from the mirror to smile sadly at him.

“I know, it sucks. But these first couple of times I need to establish that I’m still an order-obeying, line-toting officer in the Army Rangers.”

Derek nods and strides forward to wrap his arms around Stiles for a hug after Stiles put the clippers down.

“It’s _not_ that big of a deal but- it makes me nervous.”

Stiles shifts a little but Derek doesn’t let him go.

“A haircut is making you nervous?” he questions quietly.

“Just, the possibilities it represents, maybe? I don’t really know for sure.”

Stiles just nods and rubs his hands up and down Derek’s back soothingly.

“I’m not getting deployed, Der. I’m going to be on base at all times. The most dangerous thing about this assignment is the drive there and back.”

Derek pulls back and looks at the man he loves with so much of his being. He reaches up and cups Stiles’ face in his hand, smiling softly when Stiles leans into it instantly.

“I know. I just worry about you, okay? I worry how this is all going to affect you.”

His mind goes back to the despondent, unresponsive, gaunt faced Stiles that returned from war and he can’t help but be apprehensive of Stiles going back to the Army. Sure they’ve discussed this at length and Derek had obviously voiced his concerns. But telling Stiles that he worries about PTSD flare ups and letting go of that worry are two different things.

“And I wish you would take Sadie with you.”

More and more, Stiles’ service dog has become a family dog more than anything else. But she still pays the most attention to Stiles. Before Derek can even realize that Stiles is having a bad day usually Sadie has already gotten him to sit on the couch and curled up in his lap to keep him focused and calm. And this has been a long standing argument that Derek will bring up because he wishes Stiles would keep Sadie with him just in case. He thinks he’d rather have her there instead of possibly having a flashback or panic attack or an episode of some sort in the classroom or the field.

Derek knows it’s a sore subject by the way Stiles frowns and pulls back to continue his haircut.

“We’ve talked about all this Derek,” he says without any impatience in his tone. “I don’t want to take her with me. I need to present a strong front.”

The words are familiar when he argues back, “There is no weakness in needing a service dog or shame in acknowledging help.”

He steps forward and takes the clippers from Stiles’ hands as Stiles makes a face at him in the mirror.

“I _know_ that, okay? But these kids are just starting their advanced training. How would it look that the person teaching them, went through what I’m preparing them for, can’t function in daily life anymore without help? Telling them I retired to the reserves because I started a family and finished a six year agreement will sound far better than that I had to quit because grief and trauma forced me to.”

Derek shaves off a few passes with the clippers with a frown tugging at the edges of his mouth because Stiles hasn’t used that explanation before and it makes a lot of sense, unfortunately.

“I promise, Derek, that if I start to react badly I won’t push myself. I have someone I can pass the class off to in the case of an emergency and I will if I think I’m getting too anxious. Can you trust me that I’ll take care of myself?”

Derek sighs and stops cutting off Stiles lovely long hair.

“Yeah, I trust you to know what’s best for yourself.”

Stiles nods with a hint of a smile and Derek goes back to buzzing Stiles’ hair. He changes the length for the top of Stiles’ head, making it so it doesn’t cut it quite as short. After they finish cleaning up all the hair from the bathroom, Stiles pulls Derek into their bed.

When they’re arranged to Stiles’ liking he kisses Derek softly and pulls back with a look that’s far too serious.

“Look, I don’t want to fight with you on any of this. I know I’ve said and argued enough that I’m ready for this but if you’re still uncomfortable with me having this job, I won’t do it. I’ll tell them to tear up my contract and I’ll try and find other work.”

Derek shakes his head at that; he can’t do that that to Stiles. He knows and trusts that Stiles wants to go back for a teaching position. And he knows they’ve talked about the idea that Stiles wants to help bring income into their house even though Derek and his family have more money than they know what to do with. He doesn’t really want to bring that whole thing up again. And truthfully, he knows how much Stiles has the potential to enjoy this work.

“No, I want you to try and see how it goes. I don’t want you to miss out on doing something you find fulfillment in because I’m anxious.”

Stiles smiles fondly at him and Derek is glad he gets to see that smile forever. A fact that he’s reminded of when he feels the engagement rings on their fingers where they're tangled together.

“But I want you to know that your anxiety is important to me. We’re a team and I need you in my corner.”

“Always, Stiles,” Derek assures him, “I’ll always be in your corner, and hopefully if I’m ever not there it’s only to protect you.”

“That’s why I’m marrying you.”

Derek rolls his eyes.

“You say that for everything. Yesterday you told me you were marrying me for my sock drawer organization.”

Stiles laughs and the heavy moment is over. Sure Derek’s still going to worry, and Stiles is still going to be going to teach on base, but they’re still a team. They’re secure enough in each other to try this.

Even if Derek is going to really, _really_ miss his hair.


	2. I hate the way you drive my car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where the family plans to expand.

[April 2016]

It all starts when Laura announces she’s pregnant again. The whole Hale family comes to Beacon Hills for a special dinner at Talia’s house. Like most Hale gatherings it’s big and loud, full of noisy people and louder stories. Like always, Stiles ends up enjoying being surrounded by a family that has so much love for each other and for him and his kids. It’s one of his favorite parts about being in Derek’s life.

This time around Stiles ends up in the kitchen with Talia and Laura making everyone fresh, hand breaded fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy and all kinds of other sides. His kids run through the kitchen with Luke and Anne and while Stiles hasn’t really doubted that Talia enjoys being a grandparent, the way she wipes her hands off and starts chasing after them proves it.

It’s a challenge getting everyone around a single table but they manage. It’s only after the family has devoured every last morsel of the food they’d prepared that Laura and her husband look at each other and smile before they leave the room together. Talia smirked and Stiles grew curious.

“What’s for dessert?” Luke asked from the opposite end of the table.

“Auntie Laura’s going to get it,” Talia answers and now Stiles knows something is up.

Only a moment later the couple is back with a bakery box full of cupcakes with icing question marks on them. They pass them out to the table’s confusion but Stiles recognizes them. He’d know a gender reveal cupcake anywhere. Laura’s husband stands behind her, hands on her hips as she starts to laugh at her family’s faces.

“So we didn’t want to tell you until it was all for sure happening but…”

She trails off and the table still looks confused but Stiles bites into his cupcake to see light blue cream filling in the cake. He jumps up and goes over to hug Laura, leaving Derek confused behind him.

“You’re having a boy!” he cries and Laura laughs harder even as he wraps her in an embrace.

The table erupts into chaos as they finally put it together what the announcement was. Derek’s the second one to figure it out and is right there behind Stiles to pull his older sister into a fierce hug. From there the evening dissolves into excited chatter and plans between all the family members. Stiles won't realize it until a few months later but that was when the seed had been planted in his mind.

It’s when his baby fever all began.

He doesn’t fully realize how bad it is until one day he and Derek are out shopping with the kids, looking for a gift for Laura’s shower. He knows he got distracted in the baby aisles but he didn’t realize he was just staring at the little newborn booties for five whole minutes until Derek and the kids came up behind him.

“You know, buying newborn sizes is kind of silly, they outgrow them so quickly.”

Stiles nods because Derek is right. It makes more sense to give something other than clothes the baby will outgrow within a few weeks.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he admits softly.

Derek looks at him, looks at the booties, looks back at him and sighs. And Stiles just gives him a hesitant smile as he puts them back on the shelf. They don’t really address it until they’re home making the kids’ supper while they playing.

“Do we need to talk about something?” Derek asks hesitantly and Stiles huffs a laugh.

“Maybe?” he replies looking at Derek out of the corner of his eyes.

Derek isn’t having any of it, standing with his arms crossed leaning against the counter ready to wait Stiles out.

“Yeah, okay. I may have been thinking about what it would be like to have another kid. To maybe adopt a little baby. Now that Elizabeth is in school and I’m only teaching once every three months or so I’d have the time. What if there’s someone we could help again?”

When Stiles turns to look at Derek he’s smiling happily. He leaves the food to cook for a moment and allows his fiancé to pull him into a hug.

“Your thoughts?” Stiles asks quietly.

“I think it’s something we can discuss when the little ears in the house go to sleep,” Derek responds and punctuates it with a kiss before they get back to making their dinner.

And that’s how it all starts to become a reality. Derek is on board for a bigger family, not in small part because his trust fund doubled under its new management so they’d definitely have the money. Stiles had been hesitant to broach the subject but surrogacy is something he thinks they need to consider. What if Derek wants a child that’s biologically his? Stiles has definitely imagined a little dark haired beauty running around after the kids they already have.

But Derek shuts him down on that subject fast.

“No. I don’t need a child to be biologically mine to love them. And there are plenty of kids already out there being born into families that can’t support them or born into the foster care system. Just, no. It’s not something I want to consider.”

Stiles had wrapped his fiancé in a tight hug at that point, overwhelmed with the goodness in Derek’s heart. They decided to wait until after the wedding to go to the adoption agency, choosing to avoid adding more stress onto themselves and their kids. But the time waiting does little to diminish Stiles’ excitement in having another child.

*

Stiles tightens his grip on Derek’s hand slightly as they walk down a brightly lit hallway in the hospital. This is the third birth mother they’ve been set up to meet with and their social worker assured them this girl is different than the first two. Still, after being rejected twice, the first time because they were a male couple and the second time because of Stiles’ military history, Stiles is apprehensive about getting his hopes up.

All they know is that this girl is still in high school, been placed on mandatory bed rest and isn’t completely sold on giving her child up for adoption; it’s more the parents who are encouraging her to. Judging by the hallway they’re walking down Stiles would bet the girl’s parents are all kinds of wealthy because this is the fancy, long-term-stay portion of the hospital that neither he nor Derek have seen before.

They find the room with the name ‘Sarah Miller’ on the badge next to the door and Stiles takes a deep breath. Derek gives his hand a reassuring squeeze and Stiles looks over to see the tight smile Derek’s giving him. Derek knocks on the door softly and a nurse comes to open the door with a smile.

“You’re the Stilinski-Hales?” she asks and Stiles’ chest floods with warmth just hearing it.

“Yes,” Derek responds, picking up where Stiles’ voice decided to fail him, “I’m Derek and this is my husband, Stiles.”

“Stiles?” the girl on the bed asks quietly and Stiles’ attention is diverted from the friendly looking nurse to the petite young girl in the bed. “Your first name is Stiles?”

The familiar question relaxes some of Stiles’ tension; if he tries to treat this as just meeting someone new maybe he won’t be so nervous about what’s going to come later in the conversation. His smile feels a little more real as he steps away from Derek and walks over to the bed.

“No, it’s a nickname; my first name is unpronounceable unless you know Polish,” Stiles fires back easily as he reaches out to shake her hand.

“I’ll leave you guys to it,” the nurse says quietly from the doorway, “Sarah if you need me, just press the button. Don’t push yourself too hard, okay?”

“I won’t,” Sarah responds with an eye roll that reminds Stiles they’re dealing with a teenager, no matter how adult the situation seems.

The nurse leaves the room and Derek comes over and stands behind Stiles to reach out and shake her hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, Sarah,” he says softly and Sarah smiles bashfully up at him and after shaking his hand pulls her hand back to fiddle with the quilt covering her lap.

“Thanks. You guys can sit if you want,” she says with a shrug but they both pull up a chair next to the bed so they’re not towering over her by standing.

Derek takes his messenger bag off his shoulder and puts it on the ground next to his chair. While he rummages through it, looking for the iPad, Stiles stays focused on Sarah.

“Well, I don’t know what Pamela has told you about us?” Stiles asks but Sarah shakes her head.

“She didn’t tell me much, just said I’d like you better than the first people she sent over.”

Stiles nods in response; he’s been ready to explain his life story this time around which is why they brought the iPad. He figured it might be easier to show her some things than for her to just take them at their word. Derek hands him the iPad and Stiles swiftly unlocks it and pulls up the album in their pictures he put together the night before.

“Would you rather I just talk or do you have questions?”

“Um, either way I guess. I wanted to do this without my parents but now I’m realizing they were the ones with the questions last time,” she admits, still fiddling with the quilt.

“Well, if you’d rather they were here you can call them,” Stiles replies smoothly, “We don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

But she just shakes her head at him.

“No, they’re both working right now anyway,” she says steadily, “My mom’s got back to back surgeries today and Dad’s got some big case he’s working on.”

“Still, we can wait if you’d be more comfortable,” Stiles repeats because this is already feeling like an uphill battle, having her be uneasy will only make this more difficult.

“No, thank you for offering that though, I do appreciate it,” she replies sincerely, “why don’t we start there. What do you guys do for work?”

Stiles takes a breath and launches into it, knowing getting started is going to be the hardest part of all this.

“Well, Derek teaches kindergarten at Beacon Hills Elementary School. He’s been there for almost three years and before that he taught at a private elementary in New York. Right now I’m a reservist in the Army Rangers. I won’t ever face another deployment but I teach a week long class every few months on base. We have three kids already, one from a previous relationship of mine and then we adopted a brother and sister together about a year ago.”

 Stiles passes the iPad over for her to look through pictures of the kids and the house.

“We have a house out on the edge of town with a big back yard the kids like to play in. Um, my dad is the sheriff of Beacon Hills here and Derek’s parents live here in town as well. They’re mostly who we turn to whenever we need someone to watch the kids, they’re a really great support system for us. I’m an only child, but Derek has siblings and a niece and nephew our kids have gotten to know as cousins.”

“How did you pay for that house on a teacher’s salary?” she asks as she’s swiping through the photos from Labor Day weekend and the wedding in the backyard.

“Well, my parents started individual trusts for me and my siblings so mostly what we make at our jobs takes care of the bills like groceries, gas, and going out to eat. And everything for the house gets covered from the trust.”

Stiles watches worriedly as he sees something shutter closed in Sarah’s expression but Derek continues explaining.

“I didn’t grow up knowing my parents had money. You can ask Stiles about when we met if I acted like your typical trust fund brat. While we never went without things, we also worked as kids for our allowance or if we wanted some extra thing that wasn’t a direct necessity. We were maybe a little spoiled during Christmas time but really, we didn’t grow up knowing about the trusts in our name that would be given over to us when we finished school. All of us went to college and graduated before we were even told about them. My oldest brother is a journalist, my older sister is a lawyer at my mom’s firm, one of my younger sisters is a firefighter. We’re all contributing members of society so I like to think my parent’s money didn’t corrupt us too much,” Derek finishes a little sardonically and with a slightly worried smile. 

“Your parents should have been friends with mine,” Sarah mumbles and they decide to wait and see if she’ll elaborate on that and start talking about herself. It takes another moment of her fiddling with her fingers before she lifts her eyes back up to look at them.

“I knew exactly how rich I was growing up. My dad is a lawyer and my mom is a brain surgeon. My grandparents have old family money. If Beacon Hills had high society my family would be in it. They’ve had this guy picked out for me to be with since we were in middle school and his parents and mine basically forced us to be in a relationship when we turned 15. It was fine for a while, he was nice; it was nice to be with someone.”

She sighs then and drops her gaze again.

“As time went on I realized I like girls just as much as I like boys. And coming out to my parents and my boyfriend as bisexual was…”

Stiles reaches out tentatively and grabs her hand to give it a reassuring squeeze.

“It can be terrifying.”

She nods and gives them a slightly watery smile.

“Yeah,” she agrees, voice a little croaky until she clears her throat. “My parents were mostly okay about it but my boyfriend just said ‘prove it, prove you like boys just as much.’”

Having been teenage boys themselves both Derek and Stiles wince at this kid’s reaction.

“So yeah, I still liked him and I didn’t want to mess everything up and piss off my parents so I slept with him and then a couple weeks later we broke a condom and now here I am. He’s still in the picture but neither of us are ready to be parents. And our parents aren’t the type to give up their time to help us. Their money, yeah, but not their time.”

She starts to absently rub at her belly.

“I don’t want him growing up the way I did,” she says quietly, her tone and expression saying more than her words. But Stiles thinks he understands the things she’s not saying out loud, maybe can’t say out loud. He’s more confident than ever he and Derek can give this baby the home he deserves.

“It’s a boy?” he asks after a quiet pause.

But Sarah just shakes her head and smiles softly.

“No, I don’t know yet what sex the baby is but I just always have had this feeling that it’s a boy,” she explains.

“Well, uh, we wouldn’t care either way, boy or girl,” Derek tells her and she shakes her head.

“I get the feeling you’d love them regardless of a lot of things, not just their gender,” she replies decisively and Stiles inexplicably feels hope building in his chest.

“All we care is if the baby is healthy and you’re happy, whatever your final decision is,” Derek says sincerely and Stiles just nods his head in agreement.

“That’s such a parent thing to say,” Sarah says on a laugh, her smile infectious. Smiling, Stiles turns to look at Derek quick before looking back at Sarah.

“We love being parents. Being an only child I always dreamed of having a bigger family. Derek and I have been able to build one around ourselves and this is us looking at how we can expand it even further. If that means we get to give your baby a home to be loved in, we’d feel lucky. But like Derek said, whatever your decision is will be the right one,” Stiles explains in what he hopes is a reassuring manner.

“Well, today’s not the day for decisions,” she says easily, “but I would like to see you guys again. For now I’m about to pass out from the meds they give me so I’ll, uh, call you and we can set up another time for you to stop by?”

Stiles and Derek stand; Stiles takes the iPad back from Sarah while Derek rearranges the chairs next to the window like they found them.

“That sounds good, Sarah. Thanks for visiting with us,” Stiles tells her, giving her hand another comforting squeeze. Her eyes are drooping shut but she smiles at them and waves slightly as they walk out into the hall. Even though he knows he wasn’t supposed to, Stiles has gone and gotten his hopes up. As they walk back through the hospital corridors hand in hand Stiles finds himself wishing to spend a lot of time walking the same path to Room 306 in the months to come.

*

“So we’re getting another brother?” Lizzy asks.

“Maybe,” Stiles responds and winces at the looks Emily and Ben are sending him.

“What do you mean ‘maybe’?” Emily asks tersely and Stiles resists the urge to roll his eyes.

“I mean that the final decision isn’t ours to make. When the baby is born his mother can still decide if she’s going to keep him or not. But right now Sarah has given us her blessing to adopt her baby.”

Lizzy’s nose scrunches in confusion but Ben and Emily’s eyes have lit up in excitement.

“But we know it’s a boy? I won’t be the only boy anymore?” Ben asks excitedly.

“You’re not the only boy right now! Your dad and I live here too,” Derek says indignantly making Emily and Lizzy laugh. Ben just rolls his eyes. Wonder who he learned that from?

“Boy _kid._ I’m the only boy kid in the house, Dad,” he says in that tone of voice that sounds like he thinks his parents are idiots. If he already has that tone Stiles doesn’t want to know what it’s going to be like having him as a teenager who knows everything.

“Then yes, if that’s how you’re counting people in this house, you won’t be the only boy anymore,” Stiles answers laughing at the mock indignation still playing around the edges of Derek’s expression.

“Is that why Ben is switching rooms?” Lizzy asks curiously.

They’d started packing up Ben’s things a week ago to move him down the hall into the currently empty bedroom. They’re going to give Ben a new room and paint both that one and the nursery at the same time to get all the paint fumes done with in one fell swoop. This way the nursery can be right across from the master bedroom and Ben can make the transition to a slightly bigger room with a slightly bigger bed. And this way he can make more of the decisions of how the room is decorated.

Derek nods and pulls her onto his lap.

“That’s right,” he says brightly. “We’re all going to help put together the nursery and Ben gets to pick how he wants his new room. And maybe next year we’ll change your room.”

She scrunches her nose again and Stiles has to stifle a laugh.

“Why would I want to change my room?”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Derek shrugs. “But we’re all going to work together to get ready for the new baby. Think you can help us with that?”

He looks at the three kids as he asks the last question. From the beginning they’ve wanted to include the kids as much as possible. But Sarah has only just made her decision to officially put her baby up for adoption, specifically for Stiles and Derek to adopt. And while the decision ultimately can be changed after she gives birth, they thought now was as good a time as any to get started in getting ready. Even if they don’t get to adopt this baby they’re not going to just give up; whatever they do to get ready will get used eventually.

“I call picking out the paint color!” Emily cries out raising her hand like she’s in class.

Ben does the same as he declares, “I’m picking out the books, and the blankets.”

“What about you Lizzy girl,” Stiles asks her, smile so wide it hurts his cheeks, “What do you want to pick out?”

“The stuffed animals! And and toys! And socks!” she cries out.

Derek laughs and Stiles swoops up and plucks her off his lap, tucking her under his arm like a football as he starts quickly walking towards the door to the garage, gratified when the other two kids follow right on his heels.

“You’re going to pick out _all_ those things? We better start right away!”

*

[December 2016]

“Honey, I’m going to need you to slow down,” Stiles says on a laugh, even as he tightens his hold on the door handle to keep himself from smacking into the window. If anything though, Derek’s white knuckled grip on the steering wheel of Stiles’ suburban gets more intense.

“Look, I know you wanted to get there, like, five minutes ago, but we need to get there in one piece okay? Just slow down for me a little, babe. Take a breath.”

Thankfully Derek eases up on the gas pedal and they slow to a reasonable speed. Stiles watches in amusement as Derek takes an incredibly deep breath and his back finally is touching his seat rather than his chest being plastered to the steering wheel.

“How in the world are you calm right now? We’re having a baby!” Derek cries as he takes the final turn putting them on the street outside the hospital parking structure.

“ _We’re_ not having anything, dearest. Sarah is the one with pain ripping across her abdomen and other unmentionable places at ever increasingly frequent intervals. We just get to be there to hold her hand, bring her ice chips, or wipe the sweat from dripping in her eyes if she lets us. Otherwise we are rushing towards the hospital to sit.”

Derek gives him an incredulous look after he stops at the meter to get their ticket into the parking structure.

“What? Look, she never said we would be the ones in the delivery room with her so we’re going to be sitting in a waiting room as we do just that; wait for the little jelly bean to be born,” Stiles defends.

“Still,” Derek insists, “How aren’t you freaking out? I’m freaking out here; we’re taking home a newborn baby today if all things go well.”

Derek finds them a parking space and despite Stiles’ calm demeanor on the ride over he jumps excitedly from the car. He stands in front of the suburban, bouncing on his toes as Derek crawls out of the driver seat and locks the doors.

“I’m just excited right now,” Stiles admits grabbing Derek’s hand and walking towards the stairs down the parking ramp to the street so they can walk across to the hospital. “We’re prepared, we have a plan, I have no reason to freak out.”

“Yet,” Derek says with a smile.

“Yeah, yet,” Stiles huffs. “Hopefully my post-adrenaline-rush panic session is short lived.”

Derek laughs and Stiles is happy to see him starting to relax a little more as they walk in and get directions from the nurse at the front desk. They get settled in the waiting room in the birthing ward, taking advantage of the double chair to sit right next to each other, pressed together. They take turns pacing every now and again. When it’s Stiles’ turn to walk up and down the hall to stretch his legs after sitting for two hours, he gets stopped by a look from Derek.

“What?”

“You’re just, you’re really not nervous,” he says quietly and Stiles walks over to stand right in front of him. Derek lets him in, letting Stiles stand between his knees. He brings his hands up to bracket Derek’s face, his fingers brushing through the short hairs at his temples. Stiles watches with satisfaction as Derek’s eyelids flutter shut at the feeling.

They’re alone in this tiny waiting room so Stiles isn’t afraid they’ll be judged for their intimate moment or be interrupted.

“Of course I’m nervous, Derek,” Stiles says softly and Derek looks up at him, eyes searching. “I’m nervous about the big picture yes, but this, right now? Derek we have the nursery painted and furnished. We have been stocking up on clothes and baby supplies since we met with Sarah for the second time. The kids know and are excited and ready to help. We’ve got our parents excited and ready to help too. I have confidence that Sarah has made her decision, that she is going to let us adopt her baby so she has an opportunity to give him a better life and she can continue to make choices about how her own is going to end up.”

Stiles leans down and presses a kiss to his husband’s forehead, holding it there until he feels the stressed wrinkles smooth away.

“We’re ready for this, love,” he whispers before he pulls back and moves his hands to rest on Derek’s shoulders.

Derek pulls at him until he sits again, Stiles with his arm around Derek’s shoulders holding him close.

“We are ready, aren’t we?” Derek says and Stiles hums his agreement as they settle in to continue their wait.

 

Not a minute later and the door bursts open and a smiling nurse comes striding towards them.

*


	3. I hate it when you stare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where the family expands.

 

[January 2017]

 

Derek loves half days. Half days at school are a thing of beauty; especially when they happen on Fridays. Students love half days, of course, but teachers do too just as much. Derek is just putting the last of his papers in his backpack when Emily, Ben and Lizzy walk in together; Emily and Ben are laughing at something. Derek smiles at their easy comradery. Stiles and he couldn’t have gotten luckier with how well Ben and Lizzy folded right into their family.

“What’s so funny?” Derek asks them but they clam up, smiling mischievously at him.

He shakes his head at them and herds the three of them back out the door and towards the parking lot. Stiles has been gone for the last three days teaching on base. It’s a shorter trip this time only because it’s the last session with this group of guys. When he’d left the baby had been sick, just a little cold but Stiles hadn’t wanted to leave him with Talia and they both wanted to keep him isolated from the other kids so it didn’t spread to the rest of them.

Taking the baby with him to teach had seemed a little odd to Derek but then again, Stiles’ protectiveness has been operating in overdrive since they brought the baby home. Stiles had been confident in his plan so Derek let him run with it. It was only three days, after all, and Derek definitely had his hands full with the older kids anyway.

But he should be home tonight and Derek is looking forward to having their family all together again. It was only three days, yes, but the house has felt empty without Stiles and the baby there to fill it with their noises.

Getting home and getting everyone out of the car and into the house is a noisy rush of motion and activity. Their weekly Friday ritual of ‘take everything with you out of the car’ though means his car is finally tidy again. Well, it mostly is. Still, it’s nice to see the kids taking their stuff and emptying the garbage into the big one in the garage as they make their way into the house.

Stiles’ vehicle is already parked in the garage which Derek wasn’t honestly expecting. He was hoping to beat his husband home from work so he could deal with the dishes in the sink and some other things that need tidying before Stiles saw them. Stiles cannot leave dishes in the sink and will drop everything to wash whatever is sitting there no matter what is going on around him. Derek suspects it’s probably some inherited trait from his dad, or something from his Army days but he’s never asked to actually find out.

But as he makes his way into the house he finds the living room empty and the kitchen quiet.

And the dishes are still in the sink.

This does not bode well for the rest of Derek’s evening.

Derek dumps his work things in the office, listening as the kids return from their rooms to the kitchen for a snack. He pulls at his tie as he walks up the stairs, not as tired as he could be given he’s been managing the kids for the last two and a half days solo. But at the same time he’s been looking forward to coming home for his afternoon off and having, you know, an afternoon off?

He makes it to his bedroom and gets changed out of his dress pants and into sweats. He is not denying himself that at the very least. Movement in the nursery across the hall catches his eye as he’s leaving his and Stiles’ bedroom. The door is only half open so Derek quietly swings it into the room to see if Stiles is in there.

As he takes in the picture his husband makes in that moment Derek can’t hold back a happy sigh.

The window is open and the movement from the air outside is making the curtains ruffle, sunlight playing across the floor. There’s the bag Stiles took with him with supplies for the baby but where it was organized and neat when he left, now it’s overflowing and in disarray. Stiles himself looks like he could have just stepped off the battlefield. Still in his camo fatigues, boots still laced up tight, hair cut short he looks the picture of a dedicated soldier.

The Baby Bjorn strapped across his chest with the baby sleeping in it is such a fitting juxtaposition. Stiles is and forever will be a soldier at heart, willing to fight to protect those he cares about. But the other side of him, how he turns that same overflowing love to be gentle and nurturing at times is just as present in their lives now with the kids and their families.

Stiles is also out cold, one hand holding his cell phone and the other protectively curled around the baby’s head. He’s got the beginnings of dark circles under his eyes and in the dim light Derek thinks he could be a little paler than normal as well. If he didn’t have enough clues that something is off with Stiles, the red nose and pile of used tissues next to the rocking chair is a big enough sign that while the baby wasn’t able to get the whole house sick, Stiles is definitely going through the same cold now. 

“It’s impolite to stare, dear,” Stiles’ voice rasps quietly and Derek smirks and steps into the room.

“Didn’t think you’d be bothered by it,” Derek whispers as he gently unclips the Baby Bjorn and carefully pulls the baby to his chest before laying him down in his crib.

Stiles leans back into the chair, closing his eyes and apparently settling in for a nap but Derek shakes his head.

“Come on, Sarge,” Derek says quietly, reaching out and grabbing Stiles’ hands to pull him up. “Let’s get you in bed, huh?”

Stiles is pliable and limp as Derek lifts him from the chair and guides him out of the nursery to their bedroom. Still, he comes back to himself a little as Derek starts unbuttoning his shirt.

“I haven’t seen the kids yet,” Stiles says shaking his head, even as his own fingers start unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his pants.

“You can at least put on some pajamas,” Derek says softly but Stiles jerks his head up quickly, eyes wide open and awake.

“No, we were going to finally pick a name for the baby when I got home,” he says seriously and pushes Derek’s hands away from his shirt.

With a sudden burst of energy Stiles strides across the room to the closet and strips out of his uniform, leaving it in a pile as he pulls on a pair of Derek’s fuzziest sweatpants and one of his own old faded long sleeve Army shirts.

“Stiles, we can wait until you’ve rested,” Derek tries to reason when Stiles stumbles on the edge of his pants walking back across the room to put his service weapon away in the gun safe.

“No, it’s been a month. I refuse to leave our little jelly bean without a name. We’re doing this tonight like we agreed,” he says, tone firm.

Then he yawns widely and Derek can hear his jaw pop from where he’s standing five feet away.

Derek just shakes his head and walks over to pull Stiles bodily from the room if he has to. But Stiles goes easily, wrapping an arm around Derek’s waist as Derek puts one around his shoulders.

“Okay, how about we go see the kids aren’t destroying the kitchen, you make yourself a cup of tea and then we’ll talk once the kids are settled with something to do,” Derek offers and Stiles nods through another yawn.

They make their way down the stairs and find the kids sitting at the breakfast bar on the tall stools absolutely demolishing a package of Chips Ahoy cookies. Derek would be mad but the way Stiles steps into the room in front of him crying out, “Munchkins! I have returned,” kind of ruins his attempts at being stern.

The kids all three turn and laugh at Stiles’ greeting but jump down from the stools nonetheless and wrap him in hugs. Stiles had bent over to hug whoever made it to him first but they all three do more tackling than hugging and Stiles is quickly on the floor under their three giggling children.

Derek turns away with a smile, cleaning up the detritus from the cookie package and putting water on to boil for Stiles’ tea. The kids are still mostly on top of him while Stiles lays on the floor and they’re all regaling him with the tales of the last three days of school and all their adventures he’s missed out on.

By the time they’re all through telling Stiles what he’s missed, the water is boiling and Derek goes about fixing Stiles his cup of tea. Stiles gets the kids settled at the kitchen table with their homework for the weekend and a bowl of apple slices for a snack while his tea seeps. Only once they know the kids are working on the little homework they have for the long weekend does Derek pick up Stiles’ mug and herd him into the living room.

“Look, we have to come to some sort of agreement here,” Stiles starts as he takes the mug from Derek and they sit on the couch next to each other.

“We can’t argue about this, we just have to be decisive,” he says which sounds reasonable but honestly, given the names Stiles came up with while Sarah was still pregnant, Derek doesn’t know how Emily ended up having a normal name. It must have been Heather’s input.

“Okay, I agree,” Derek says easily, “so what is your top, number one name?”

“Oskar John,” Stiles replies seriously and Derek rolls his eyes.

“We are not naming our child after Star Wars characters or the actors. This should go without saying, Stiles.”

“Hey!” Stiles says, looking hurt, “The fact that Oscar Isaac and John Boyega are actors in the new Star Wars film is merely a coincidence. Besides I said Oskar not Oscar.”

“Okay, I can’t hear a difference between the two names you just said. And if it’s not after the actors in your favorite movie where is it coming from,” Derek asks, exasperated.

“Well, you’re smart enough to realize I might want to name my kid after my dad, you know, _John,”_ Stiles responds testily and Derek feels like an idiot.

“Oh, uh, yeah,” he says, still struck dumb, “I’m so used to calling him Sheriff or Dad that it didn’t register. That- that says something about my relationship with your dad. Wow. Okay. But um, where does Oscar come in to play?”

“ _Oskar,_ ” Stiles corrects but it still sounds basically the same in Derek’s ears. “Oskar was my mother’s middle name. My grandma only had my mom and wanted to name her after my great grandpa Oskar Alec Górski. I just thought we could keep the name in the family is all,” Stiles says with a shrug but Derek can see how vulnerable he’s making himself in the moment.

They still don’t talk much about Stiles’ mom and her side of the family. For all that they’ve worked through together, Derek has always felt that part of Stiles’ life belongs to Stiles and his father.

“And all things considered, I thought Oskar fit him, I’ve been calling him that since we found out for sure Sarah was having a boy,” Stiles admits sheepishly and Derek sighs and drags a hand down his face.

“So you’d already named our child and didn’t think to clue me in to all of this until after he’d been born and with us for a month? You’re ridiculous. I married a ridiculous man,” Derek says, with laughter in his tone.

Stiles smiles hesitantly.

“You love that about me,” he says trying to seem nonchalant but it’s the truth. This part of Stiles makes it so that life is never dull whenever Derek is around him.

But he looks like he needs some reassuring so Derek pulls him into his arms and makes Stiles rest his head on Derek’s shoulder.

“I do, Stiles. I do love that about you. And if you want to name our son Oskar John Stilinski-Hale I have no problems with it.”

Stiles sighs and relaxes into Derek’s chest a little further, sniffling a little from his runny nose.

“Maybe next time though? Maybe I could help make the decision before our child is a month old?” Derek asks, still relaxed and his tone doing nothing to hide the fact that he’s amused in all this.

“Next time?”

“Yeah next time,” Derek says softly as Stiles continues snuggling into both the couch and Derek’s side. “Maybe I want to name one of our kids after you,” he admits and Stiles snorts.

“We are not subjecting another human being to the name Przemysław, Derek,” Stiles says flatly but Derek shakes his head.

“No I was thinking Alec. Alec Andrew Stilinski-Hale.”

“Huh,” Stiles says softly, “Next time.”

Stiles was half asleep when they sat down and given Derek made him a cup of chamomile tea, Derek has one sleepy husband on his chest.

“Stiles,” Derek says laughing lightly after a few minutes. “Stiles, do you want to just go to bed now?”

Stiles sniffles and rubs his nose up and down on Derek’s chest a couple times before sighing and clinging further.

“No. You’re pretty comfy,” Stiles replies sleepily, slurring slightly.

“But I need to get up and deal with the kids in about 10 minutes. You think you’ll sleep longer than that?”

Stiles sighs again and seems to gather his strength to push off of Derek completely.

“I’m hoping for a couple hours actually so, our bed would be nice after three nights in the barracks.”

Derek pulls Stiles up off the couch and into a hug, holding him close.

“I’m glad you’re home,” he whispers and Stiles tucks his head into Derek’s neck further to press a kiss there.

“I’m glad to be home. But now I’m going to need to go lie down,” he admits.

“I’ll bring you some cold medicine once you get up there and settled, okay?”

Stiles nods and takes off for the stairs, leaving Derek smiling fondly after him.

*

“Did Dad catch the baby’s cold?” Emily asks sleepily as she crawls in to bed.

“Yeah, I think he did,” Derek tells her as he follows behind and pulls the blankets over to cover her. He tucks her in and sits on the bed next to her.

“But since he’s old and healthy he should get better pretty quickly if we make sure to take care of him and let him rest.”

She wrinkles her nose at him and he smiles, knowing which part she’s going to protest.

“Dad’s not old, Papa.”

“He’s older than you,” he teases and she frowns.

“Duh,” she replies and Derek laughs.

“Okay, he’s not old. But he’s old enough that he’ll get better pretty quick if we make sure he drinks enough and eats right.”

She sighs and leans back against her pillow more fully, “Can we make him soup tomorrow?”

“Yeah, we can do that, we might have to make a trip to the grocery store for some ingredients though,” he warns. Going to the grocery store is kind of an ordeal with three kids and a baby.

“We can manage,” she tells him firmly, “Since it’s for Dad.”

“Yeah,” he replies fondly as he leans down to kiss her forehead goodnight, “Since it’s for Dad."

She nods and he pulls back to look at her and smile.

“Night, sweetheart.”

“Night, Papa.”

Derek gives in to the urge to press another kiss to her forehead before he stands and leaves the room quietly, pulling the door mostly shut behind him.

He checks that Ben and Lizzy are still in their beds as he makes his way down the hall to his own room, more than ready to get some sleep after wrangling his kids all afternoon and evening by himself while Stiles slept. He goes into the bathroom and brushes his teeth on auto pilot and walks out into the room expecting to crawl over Stiles in the bed to get to his side. Instead, he finds the bed empty.

He steps out to their door and looks into the hall, trying to figure out where Stiles went when he hears a sniff come from across the hall. Derek sighs, of course he’s in the baby’s room. He pads softly across the carpet in his sock covered feet and quietly comes up behind Stiles as he stands over the crib. He watches Stiles gently reach into the crib and push the little wisps of hair off Oskar’s face.

“Anything wrong?” Derek whispers and Stiles shakes his head, sighs and turns to pull Derek gently from the room.

Derek goes easily, hoping they’ll end up in their bed to talk instead of standing. He’s tired, darn it. He happily follows when Stiles pulls him onto the bed and lies down under the covers.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time attaching yourself to Oskar,” Derek says gently. It’s kind of an understatement considering the way Stiles has been a baby hog from the day they brought him home.

“Yeah, I guess I have. I just. I don’t want to miss anything this time,” Stiles admits quietly, staring at Derek’s chest instead of looking him in the eye.

Derek waits him out, knowing Stiles has more to say about this based simply on the way his fingers are still fidgeting with the drawstring of Derek’s pajama pants.

“I missed so much with Emily. I was deployed for so much of her being a baby and I just don’t want to miss it again,” he mumbles sounding far too melancholy for Derek’s liking.

Derek sighs a little, leans forward to press a quick kiss to Stiles’ hair before he rolls off the bed and goes to get the iPad off the dresser. Stiles props himself up on an elbow, watching him go curiously and Derek quirks a quick smile at him as he walks back, focused on pulling up the right video that he’s looking for.

“I’m not going to sit here and say that you didn’t lose some time with Emily,” Derek says as he crawls back onto the bed, still focused on the iPad and getting what he wants pulled up.

“But while you maybe missed a few things that happened on a day to day basis, you also have other memories with Emily that you won’t have with any of our other kids,” he explains gently, sitting against the headboard and waving Stiles up to sit next to him.

Stiles grumbles but shifts around to sit half propped up in their pillows half leaning against Derek again. Derek puts one arm around Stiles’ shoulders and presses play on the video. Derek grins as it starts and they watch the scene play out.

Over the speaker they hear John’s voice talking to a tiny version of Emily, she can’t be more than two years old.

“Say hi to daddy,” he tells her and she puts a phone up to her ear.

“Daddy?” her small voice says before her face falls and she holds the phone out towards John.

“Is he not talking?” Johns says, sounding very much like he’s holding in a laugh as he turns the camera across the room to the TV screen with a fresh faced Stiles, wearing fatigues and clearly in a tent somewhere across the world, waiting with a smile for her to turn and see him.

Emily turns when John points and then they hear Stiles say, “Hey baby girl!” through the TV and watch as Emily starts jumping and swinging her little arms to express how excited she is and Stiles and John laugh over the video, happy their little girl is so happy to see her dad.

The video continues with Stiles talking and Emily trying to hug the screen and ends up satisfying herself with patting Stiles’ face on the TV. The video isn’t long but when Derek looks down to see Stiles smiling fondly he thinks it did the trick.

“You’re home now,” Derek says softly, “you’re going to be here for the rest of her childhood, making memories that she’ll remember for the rest of her life. You’re not going to miss anything huge if you let my mom babysit Oskar for a couple hours while you get some sleep,” Derek explains lightly.

Thankfully, Stiles huffs a weak laugh and sits up more fully against the headboard.

“I guess I’ve been a bit of a baby hog, haven’t I?” Stiles says with a quiet smile.

Derek holds up a finger and his thumb close together, “Just a wee bit.”

Stiles sighs and shifts down on the bed to lay flat once again. Tugging on Derek’s hand until he follows.

“I suppose you could take him over to your mom’s tomorrow for the day, since it’s Saturday and all,” he says reluctantly. “Maybe if I stay in bed and let myself rest for a day I can kick this cold by Monday.”

“Sounds like a good plan to me, love,” Derek says as he lays down pressed up next to his husband, and throws an arm across Stiles’ broad chest.

A few minutes pass as they just stay there in each others presence before they drop off to sleep. Derek is almost gone when Stiles snuffles and mumbles into his hair.

“Hey, Der?”

Derek just grunts in response.

“Will you make me your tomato basil soup and grilled cheese tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Derek says fondly, pressing a kiss to Stiles’ shoulder before dropping off to sleep.

*

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who still can't write endings ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	4. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The one where Stiles' PTSD comes into play.

[July 2016]

*

The kids are chattering in the back of Stiles’ suburban as they drive across town. Stiles grins to himself as another peal of laughter sounds out through the car and he takes a peek in his rear view mirror to see their smiles for himself. It’s the Fourth of July and Stiles and Derek have been planning their activities for this day for the past month it feels like.

Stiles pulls into the already crowded parking lot; just as he finds a space his phone dings notifying him he got a text. The kids are already getting themselves unbuckled so Stiles releases his own seat belt and pulls his phone up from the cup holder to read the message.

**Just pulled in behind you. I’ll meet you on the trail.**

Stiles smiles down at the message from his dad and pockets the phone as he reaches for the door handle.

“Papa is already here too, guys,” he tells the kids and Derek as they’re all climbing out of the car.

Stiles makes his way to the back of the vehicle and opens the hatch door to pull the things out they’re going to need for the day. Derek carries the picnic basket with their food for the day in it, Emily and Ben take a blanket each leaving Lizzy to carry her little backpack that had been filled with some games and activities to do, should the kids get bored with the carnival. Stiles grabs his own backpack which has extra clothes, some bottled drinks, napkins, wet wipes and a basic first aid kit; he didn’t want to be unprepared in case of an accident.

It’s almost 11 o’clock in the morning and the plan is to spend the whole day in the park. Given they already needed the wet wipes at the Independence Day Parade downtown, Stiles doesn’t think he over-packed at all.

The kids are skipping along side Derek and Stiles to keep stride with them, already buzzing with energy even though he and Derek tried to limit their candy intake. It was hard to monitor though; with how big the crowds had grown along the parade route it made it hard to watch how much candy went straight into mouths versus their buckets.

And then Stiles was mostly on his own for that because Derek kept being accosted by students coming up to him to talk about how their summers were going. Not that Stiles was really complaining. Seeing the tiny humans run up to his fiancé shouting, “Mr. Hale! Mr. Hale!” will never not be an adorable sight. Especially when Derek is scruffy faced and huge in comparison as he folds himself down into a crouch to be at their level to talk to them. His patience and genuine sweetness with his students and his own kids never fails to warm Stiles’ heart.

Eventually though it seemed that Derek’s students had all seen him and Stiles had help corralling their kids once again. It was none too soon as the parade was nearly over and it was time to head out to the park. Derek had helped get everyone back to the car and sticky candy residue wiped from faces and hands.

The kids hadn’t done much in the way of calming down on the ride over but Stiles had resigned himself that between the sugar and Derek and his own excitement for the day, the kids would be restless and energetic for this entire outing. As they make their way through the small crowd of people in the parking lot towards the trails Stiles catches sight of his dad standing next to a bench checking his phone.

It makes Stiles’ heart light seeing his dad in casual clothes, looking relaxed on his much deserved day off from work. His dad has been working to get to a place where he can take more time off to spend with his grandkids and they’ve finally gotten his deputy sheriffs trained to take on more duties to help with that. The jeans and t-shirt he’s sporting are fairly new, Stiles notices, but it’s not that odd as it’s been years since the man has had a reason to have free time outside of caring for his one granddaughter. Now with two more grandkids and his son home full time he’s taken a more active approach in planning for retirement.

Stiles lets go of Lizzy’s hand as she pulls away from him and runs to her grandfather. Derek does the same with the other two kids and Stiles’ heart warms further watching his kids envelope his dad in hugs at the same time. Derek reaches over and takes Stiles’ hand in his as they cover the final distance to reach his dad.

“Hey boys,” he greets with a big smile from beneath the smothering embrace of the three kids. “You ready for today?”

Stiles laughs lightly and gestures to his clothes and the pack he’s carrying on his back.

“I think I’m well prepared,” he answers and his dad shakes his head.

“You look almost battle ready, kid,” his dad says fondly.

Stiles shrugs easily; he hadn’t wanted to draw attention to himself by wearing his uniform to the park. But he did choose to wear some boots and just an Army Rangers t-shirt with his jeans; unable to not represent his service to his country on such a day.

“Who says watching these little monsters isn’t going to be a battle?” Derek counters and everybody laughs.

“Too true. What’s say we go find a place to set up camp and keep this party going?” John says to the kids and they all cheer as they disentangle themselves from their grandpa. Lizzy returns to Stiles’ side and Ben returns to Derek’s but Emily grabs John’s hand and they all start to make their way down the trail, away from the parking lot towards the park where the carnival is just getting started.

Stiles has been just as excited for this day as the kids have been. He remembers coming to this carnival as a kid with both parents and having the time of his life. The park is nestled in the woods across town from Stiles’ and Derek’s house. Tucked into a big clearing that was there naturally and the city built into a park; the city built in benches, trash cans, a couple shelters with grills and electric hookups. It makes for a peaceful little spot that can be accessed by a small road for events like this to bring in everything but accessed on foot by a small walking path from the parking lot.

For the carnival the town goes all out with what gets set up in the clearing. There are food booths in the picnic shelters with the best fried foods like mini donuts, funnel cakes, cheese curds and fry bread tacos. Dessert has its own booth with homemade ice cream, cupcakes and other treats from the bakery Stiles used to work at, snow cones, and cotton candy.

But the carnival isn’t just about food. There’s a whole ring of booths with all sorts of things, from people selling the things they’ve made to those blow up games for the kids and small rides like a carousel and even games with prizes. All in all it draws a pretty big crowd out of the city. It’s not the only Independence Day celebration but it is one of the biggest in town and it has the best view of the city fireworks show.

For his own sanity and well-being, Stiles had decided that since they would be spending the day in the park, he was going to need a spot away from the crowd to retreat to if things got to be too much. So they walk through the center of the park, letting the kids take in everything they can do through the course of the day. Eventually they find a spot, away from the ring of booths and crowds to a nice open space underneath the branches of a big cottonwood tree.

“How does this look, Lizzy?” he asks and watches her peer around the spot with critical eyes.

“It’s a little shady but it’ll do,” she says a moment later and Stiles watches Ben and Emily drop their burdens unceremoniously and start to run back towards the activity.

“Hey, hey!” Derek calls out and they stop in their tracks. “Where do you think you’re going?”

They both turn and walk back, shoulders slumped and exasperated expressions on their faces.

“We’re going to the carnival, Dad,” Ben waving his arms behind him at the ring of booths.

“Not without an adult you’re not,” Derek shoots back firmly, “What was the plan we went over in the car on the way here?”

Emily sighs and recites, “Don’t go anywhere without an adult. Dad and Lizzy are going to set up the picnic site while we explore. Then we’re having lunch. Then we can play games and play on the playground until it’s time for supper and then if we’re not tired we get to stay for fireworks.”

Stiles suppresses the urge to laugh at her tone that is clearly 100% done with her parents.

“So, running off towards the carnival with neither me nor your grandpa, does that follow the plan?” Derek asks, quirking an eyebrow at them seriously.

“No,” they both respond in unison, heads hanging a little.

“Okay,” Derek says half laughing, half serious, “I know you’re both very excited but you need to give me just a minute.”

“How about I take them while you and Stiles get settled here,” John offers and Stiles nods gratefully.

“That’d be great, dad, thanks.”

Ben and Emily cheer and rush back to grab each of his hands and pull John back towards the carnival. Derek laughs under his breath and starts shaking out the picnic blankets. By the time Derek has the first one laid flat, Stiles has his pack off his back and has helped Lizzy get her backpack off as well. While Derek deals with the second one and then starts pulling lunch out of the basket, Stiles sits down and gently pulls Lizzy into his lap.

"Come here, sweetie," he says as he guides her head to rest against his shoulder. She sighs but relaxes into his embrace after a moment.

"I'm sorry I got lost at the parade," she says weakly and Stiles shakes his head and presses a kiss in her hair.

"Sweetie, it's okay. Daddy wasn't mad at you; dad and I were just scared. Big crowds like parades and carnivals make it very easy for little kids to get lost or separated from their parents," Stiles tells her, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug.

She manages to turn around and put her arms around him in return as she buries her face in his chest.

"It was kind of scary not knowing where you were. And then I couldn't see Emily or Ben and I just didn't know what to do."

Stiles hates how scared she got but he's grateful for how quickly they were able to find her again. With the size of the crowd, police officers and sheriff's deputies had been walking around the whole parade route keeping everyone in line. Stiles is just glad Lizzy knew enough to tell the deputy that had stopped to see if she was lost that her grandpa is the sheriff. All of his dad's deputies know who Stiles is, especially after the Daehler incident.

"You did the right thing, sweetheart," Stiles comforts her with another kiss to her forehead, "You talked to a police man, not any strangers. You're not in trouble for getting a little lost okay?"

She nods into his chest and Stiles is grateful she's calmed down enough for them to have this little talk. They sit together while Derek quietly puts lunch together; Stiles and Lizzy read a book while Derek sets out the paper plates, napkins, and juice boxes. By the time he's made up a sandwich per person and has a container of fruit open, Ben and Emily are reluctantly following John back over to their camp.

Lunch is miraculously contained chaos. They somehow manage to get the kids to eat the healthy meal they packed. Stiles makes sure that they at least get a bottle of water each and that they all eat at least one sandwich. He just knows that through the course of the day here his kids will be eating a whole world of crappy food. He feels like less of a bad parent as they eat lunch though. Ham sandwiches, strawberries, baby carrots and juice boxes are a better alternative to corn dogs and cheese curds. Despite the craziness that is a picnic with three kids it works for the day they have planned because it eats up some time before they're packing up the food basket and attempting to collect the garbage.

Stiles just waves them off after a few minutes of the kids' "help" and sends them off to start exploring with Derek and his dad. He'll get his turn with the kids whenever one of them wants to trade off and rest under the shade of the tree on the blanket.

*

Cleaning up lunch was more about preparing the kids for the afternoon than it is about re-packing the food. Stiles makes sure they each have a good few drinks of water, that Ben has his sunglasses, Lizzy and Emily have their hats and that they all have at least a little bit of sunscreen on. He's just finishing off rubbing in the last bits of the white cream on Emily's arms when his phone dings.

"See you, dad," she says as she leans down to press a kiss to his cheek. And then he watches her run across the field and sees that she grabs onto Derek's hand. He smiles to himself even as he turns to deal with the disaster zone their picnic blankets became over lunch.

He's just wrapping up the garbage bag when his phone dings again, reminding him that he hadn't checked it earlier when it went off. He grabs it from off the corner of the picnic blanket and sees he's got two snaps from Allison. He smiles as he swipes across the screen and sees the first snap of Allison and Amber's grinning faces, asking what their plans are for the day. The second snap appears on the screen and Stiles sees a picture of Derek with an arrow drawn pointing to him waiting in line for the carousel with the kids.

He laughs when he reads the text over the picture, "I found your better half, now where are you??"

Another snap comes through as soon as the last one disappeared; it's of him looking at his phone and Stiles laughs.

"I spy my favorite Army Ranger," the text over the picture reads and he's unsurprised to look up and see Allison, the twins and Isaac Lahey walking over to him. He tosses his phone back on the blanket and unfolds his legs to stand up to meet them.

"Hey!" He says happily as they get within earshot.

Allison has Amber strapped into a baby carrier on her chest; Amber is giggling as her little legs bounce with every step Allison takes. He reaches for her first thing, not missing the way Jacob is comfortably tucked into Isaac's arms, head resting on Isaac's shoulder. He doesn't think much of it though, Isaac and Allison have been friends basically since Derek's friend group and Stiles' combined when they met. But the toddler's familiarity with the man shows that they've gotten closer than just friends maybe.

"Hey, baby," he coos as he unclips the straps from the carrier and pulls Amber into his arms. "You like that contraption that keeps you close to mama," he says to her as she smiles at him, "Your cousin Emily never liked those things, but I did. She kept me warm and I loved holding her close just like your mama does."

Allison and Isaac indulge him a moment to coo at the toddler. He doesn't ignore them for too long of a moment though before he turns and tugs Allison into a one armed hug.

"Hey, you," he says gently, "we need to stop missing our weekly hang outs."

She nods into his shoulder and gives a small sigh.

"The life of a parent," she replies as she pulls back from the hug, "you don't get to choose your schedule anymore."

"Schedule?" Stiles laughs, "As much as we try at our house, the schedule ultimately gets set by the kids. I don't see that changing anytime soon either."

Isaac laughs and Allison pouts.

"You don't have it quite so bad, Isaac, but you're work time is still dictated by the kids in your life," Stiles tells him and watches as Isaac's laughter fades to a quiet chuckle.

"Yeah, except with our expansion into Beacon Heights, I haven't been making very many midnight response calls to hospitals. I've had to pull back lately and just do administrative junk instead of actually being there for the kids," he explains and Stiles frowns at his tone.

"Do you ever get to go interact with the kids or are you literally stuck in the office the whole time?"

Isaac's face falls a little further and Stiles has to stop himself from reaching out to put a comforting hand on his arm at the abrupt shift.

"It's been at least a month since I've been the one to respond to a call out. Like, I get that this is my non-profit and the first priority should be keeping things running smoothly so the maximum number of kids can be helped I just..."

He trails off and Stiles watches Allison reach out and do what he wanted to himself a moment earlier. Isaac smiles at her warmly as he looks up from where she'd placed her hand on his forearm.

"I just started this to help kids, that's what I love doing. The administrative parts aren't what I started this non-profit for. I liked my job of showing up at hospitals, talking to the kids, giving them their backpacks and placing them in emergency foster homes."

He shrugs but Stiles can see how much this is affecting him when he pulls Jacob a little closer on instinct.

"It makes sense, Isaac. Maybe there's a compromise to be made? Is there anyone who can share the administrative side of things?" Stiles asks, turning to chew on Amber's little hand when she smacks at his face to get his attention back to her.

He misses this, the weight of a toddler in his arms, demanding all of his attention. He and Allison haven't had the chance to meet up for a few weeks now and he's missed his weekly dose of the twins laughter and smiles. Getting a two hour break from his own house to go over to Allison's and lay on the floor with the happy babies was the highlight of his week sometimes during the school year.

"There is someone, he just likes to micro manage and not accept help from those around him," Allison responds saucily and Stiles turns back to them and grins as they glare at each other. Clearly this isn't a new topic of conversation. Honestly Allison would be perfect for doing the office side of things for Isaac. She could do most of it from home, like Isaac does at this point, regardless of the twins.

"Hey I didn't mean to bring up a sore subject," Stiles says on a laugh and they stop glaring at each other to look at him quizzically. Gosh, they don't even know how they're looking at each other. "But maybe you should let someone, I'm not naming names here, just let someone help you one or two days out of the weeks so you can be on hand for making calls," Stiles suggests and watches Isaac turn thoughtful and Allison look smug.

"I'll think about it," Isaac offers before almost visibly shaking himself, "But enough about me, how are you guys doing? Did you make it to the parade this morning?"

Stiles rolls his eyes and gestures for them to sit down on the picnic blanket. He goes into how chaotic the streets had been along the parade route and how difficult it was keeping track of three kids in the crowds. He tells them about turning around to see Derek leaning down to talk to a student instead of Lizzy and the panic filled 10 minutes they'd had when they lost sight of her.

They don't even judge him when he tightens his hold on Amber at remembering the experience. It's nice sitting there in the shade, holding a baby and being able to see his family walking from game to game in the carnival in front of him. But soon enough the twins are started to get more than a little sleepy and Allison has to take Amber back from him and then they're bidding him goodbye so they can put them down for a nap at home and not in a noisy park.

Stiles watches them go a little sadly. But he doesn't have time to organize his thoughts on Allison and Isaac's friendship, his own feelings of wanting a baby or even how to approach any of it before Derek and Ben are walking towards him. They're both grinning widely and Stiles is ready for his turn in the carnival. Derek looks more than ready for his turn watching over the camp and resting in the shade with his pink cheeks and his sweaty hair.

"Time to trade-off, dearest," he says fondly as he lets himself collapse gently onto the blanket.

"Come on, dad," Ben says impatiently as he pulls on Stiles' hands until he gets up and stretches out his legs a little. "Lizzy already got to play darts and won a tiny stuffed puppy. I'm going to win the giant one," he says confidently, tugging on Stiles until he starts to walk towards the bustle of activity.

"Okay, okay," he says easily, laughing at his son's impatience.

"Have fun!" Derek calls from his spot stretched out in the shade and Stiles turns back to shoot him a grin.

"You know I will!"

The afternoon at the carnival is amazing. Stiles, Derek and his dad take turns rotating through the kids and taking rests in the shade; they make sure nobody gets overheated or dehydrated. If Lizzy sticks a little closer to the three of them well, Stiles can’t help but be grateful.

They play games, win prizes and take a break to play on the playground for an hour before they all get food from the food stands and break for supper.

Supper is late in the day but the kids are still going strong. After they finish eating they pack up their camp site completely and head into the carnival all together.

The rest and the food allowed the kids to recharge instead of making them realize how tired they are. And as they walk around together pretty soon Stiles is the one who wants to call it a day, and not because of the heat.

One of the reasons they picked the carnival as the place to spend their day was the fact that the fireworks are planned for the end of the day's festivities only. In years past, fireworks have been banned from the park. Between the petting zoo animals and the abundance of small children it just made sense.

Stiles was banking on that being the rule this year as well.

But one of the tents set up on the edge of the clearing this year has been selling fireworks for the past few hours to teenagers and adults alike. From firecrackers to snap pops to sparklers, dozens of people have been walking around with literal miniature ticking time bombs.

The tent set up shop right before they all took a break for supper and Stiles has been on edge ever since. People keep randomly setting the little things off and it's messing with his nerves something terrible. Maybe if they hadn't lost Lizzy earlier in the day, and maybe if they'd brought Sadie with, he wouldn't be having a reaction. But as it is, he finds himself struggling to contain the flinch when someone lights a sparkler within 10 yards of him and his kids while they're petting the tiny baby goats in the petting zoo.

He doesn't think he's doing a very good job of hiding it though so it's no surprise when Derek pulls him aside and let's his dad guide the kids over to the next area of animals to interact with.

"Go home, babe," he says gently, hand gently holding Stiles' bicep. "You're on the verge of freaking out here and I know you're uncomfortable right now so don't even try to deny it. Here are your dad's keys. He'll help me with the kids and you can just go home and sit with Sadie in the quiet."

Stiles doesn't know whether to be grateful for Derek's insight or embarrassed that he didn't know he was out of it enough that Derek and his dad apparently had a conversation about sending him home. He chooses the former and presses a quick kiss to Derek's cheek, suddenly realizing he needs to get himself the hell away from this park as fast as he is able to.

"Just tell the kids-"

"They know, love," Derek says quietly and Stiles sighs while Derek takes the backpack from him. He still has a hard time with subjecting his kids to his PTSD episodes. Though they have been few and far between since they adopted Ben and Lizzy it still makes him feel like a shitty father when they do happen and it affects them. Derek just presses the keys into Stiles' hand and pulls him into a quick hug.

"Stop thinking self-deprecating thoughts and get yourself out of here. I expect a text that you made it home safe. A snap of you and Sadie on the couch would be even better," Derek says quietly before he lets Stiles go.

"Yeah, I will," Stiles tells him, sounding more dazed than he feels. He sees Derek's brows furrow in concern but Stiles knows he is on the verge of...something. Regardless he needs to get out of the park. His brain shifts into flight mode and suddenly he's planing the most strategic retreat to the parking lot. As he weaves through the crowd of people he contemplates running it out through the trees before deciding the winding path is still a better option.

He has just about made it to the trail when someone lights off a string of firecrackers, right fucking next to him.

Firecrackers, he tells himself, they're just firecrackers.

He picks up the pace, focusing on his stride, his steps, as he jogs through the woods. He can feel the cushion in the soles of his boots. The spot on his little toe that rubs exactly like his combat boots do. He can feel the soft denim against the skin of his legs shifting stiffly like a new pair of cami's. He's hot and sweaty from the day spent outside but now he can feel the sweat dripping down his back and the way his t-shirt is damp and clinging to him.

It's too hot. The sun is too bright.

Another pop sounds through the woods and Stiles' instinctively knows that he is under fire. He ducks and covers his head, confused as to where his body armor is and where his helmet is. Did he lose it? Is their camp under attack? It can't be, he can't see their canvas tents, camoflaughed though they are. There's no one else around. Is he on a mission?

All while he questions what's happening he runs. He runs as fast and as hard as he can, staying low and scanning the terrain for some form of cover. If he wants to get home, if he wants to see his daughter again he has to find something to hide behind, somewhere to get out of the line of fire.

Another shot sounds, and another. And then there's a whole volley of shots and Stiles wonders if he's on a mission that went bad. If he was spotted in his sniper nest and is being hunted down. Suddenly the terrain shifts and Stiles is running along a deep ravine. He follows the edge, careful not to lose his footing as he goes along, until he finds a spot where he can get down to the bottom. Eventually it becomes shallower and just as another volley of shots sounds out Stiles goes down the side of the steep ditch.

Once he's below the line of fire he takes a moment to breath. He's still far too exposed but at least if he keeps his head down, for now he's out of harms way. He crouches down to stay below the edge of the ravine and searches for a hiding place. It takes no time at all for him to find an empty den. It's just big enough for him to have space to crawl back in to but narrow enough at its mouth that he could defend his position.

He has no supplies, no weapon, and no satellite phone. Why he brought his civilian phone with him and not a sat phone is incomprehensible. It's not like his iPhone works where he's at for this mission. Still, he's been in worse spots before, he'll just have to hunker down and wait for an extraction team.

It's nearly dark and he's finally slowed his racing heart, feeling a bit woozy now instead of calm like he should, when the heavy artillery starts sounding through the air. As he curls himself into a ball at the back of the tiny cave, Stiles fights to stay conscious but after who knows how long of listening to explosion after explosion, machine gun bursts after machine gun bursts, he loses the battle and passes out tucked away in the abandoned den.

*

After the fireworks show is over, Derek and John have the kids help them pack up their area in the park. Ben and Emily fold up the picnic blankets and Lizzy gathers their wrappers and trash from their snacks. The kids are tired and listless but they all manage to get the job done and are walking back to the parking lot with the horde of people that came out for the carnival and the fireworks. Derek is sure to keep a tight hold of Lizzy’s hand in his left and Emily’s in his right.

John helps Derek get the kids in the car and buckled into their seats. Derek’s hands shake a little as he puts the buckles across Lizzy’s chest in her seat, her eyes already drooping shut. John must see because he comes around to Derek’s side of the vehicle after the kids are in place and puts a steady hand on Derek’s arm.

“You okay, kid?” he asks quietly and Derek shakes his head.

“I just have a bad feeling. I didn’t like the look Stiles had when I sent him home. It was just…too much like the look he had on Labor Day before his flashback,” Derek admits worriedly.

John’s face pinches a little in concern.

“Have you heard from him since he left?”

“No, that’s the other part that’s kind of freaking me out,” Derek says, working himself up and John squeezes his arm.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” John tries to reassure him gently, “Let’s get the kids home and we’ll worry about it once we know if there’s something to worry about.”

Derek nods and John pats his shoulder before walking back around to the passenger side and climbing in. The drive home is a test in Derek’s self-control. He keeps to a reasonable speed, keeps the music low to keep the kids halfway asleep and regulates his breathing; taking deep breaths and loosening his grip on the steering wheel when he feels himself getting pulled back to his instinctual worries. They make it home, albeit a bit slower than usual given Derek’s strict adherence to the speed limit.

When they pull onto their driveway Derek takes a deep breath.

John’s car isn’t anywhere in sight.

Derek reaches up and pushes the button to open the garage and tries to stop the feeling of his stomach dropping to his toes. He moves on autopilot, parking the car and then pulling the kids out of the car and herding them upstairs. John helps and they get everybody’s hands and faces washed, teeth brushed. The kids are agreeable and easily get their pajamas on and crawl into bed. Derek gets through tucking everybody in before he makes his way downstairs to the kitchen on shaky legs to where John is waiting, phone pressed to his ear.

“Ok, just let me know when you have a trace,” he says to whoever he’s talking to and Derek tries to take a deep breath again but finds his chest tight with worry.

“Okay,” John says after hanging up. “He’s not here and he’s unreachable on his phone. That doesn’t mean he’s hurt but I’m slightly abusing my power in the police department and having Parrish run a trace on Stiles’ phone to see if he’s at Walmart or stuck in a ditch somewhere or what.”

Derek nods, unable to find words for all the worries going through his mind since coming home to find a house devoid of his fiancé. Stiles was supposed to be here over two hours ago and Derek has all the worst scenarios playing out of what could have happened.

“Hey,” John says and reaches out and grabs Derek’s shoulders, clearly seeing him lost to his thoughts. “He’s going to be fine, you just stay here with the kids and I’ll work on finding where he’s at.”

“How are you so sure?” Derek croaks out through a tight throat.

“Well, just like you have a sense that something is wrong with someone you love, I have a sense of when my son is hurt. I’ll agree something is up but I just have this gut feeling that everything is going to work out.”

That’s fair,  Derek has to allow.

“Make yourself a cup of tea and stay by your phone. I’ll call as soon as I have news to share.”

“Yeah, okay,” Derek says tiredly, following behind his future father in law towards the garage, “You can take Stiles’ car if you want,” he offers and John nods.

“That’d be helpful given he has mine,” John says, laughing lightly and Derek envies his confidence in the situation.

“I’ll just wait here then,” Derek says at the door and John turns and gives him a quick smile.

“He’s gonna be fine, kid. I promise I’ll bring him home.”

“I’m holding you to that,” Derek says seriously and John mock salutes to him as he walks to Stiles’ suburban and climbs in.

Derek opens the garage door and waits for John to back out before he closes it and then goes back inside. He makes his way blindly towards the kitchen and puts the kettle on to boil water for tea. It keeps his hands occupied for a few minutes before he settles onto the couch and tries to settle his thoughts.

*

John pulls his phone out just as soon as he’s out of the garage and out of sight of Derek. With the phone ringing in his ear, calling Parrish, he navigates the streets directly back towards where he and Derek just left.

“They’re still working on a trace,” Parrish says into the phone without preamble. “They’re able to get the last tower that his phone pinged from but they can’t narrow it down any further than that.”

“Let me guess, it puts him out by the park where the carnival and the fireworks show was today,” John says and hears Parrish make an affirmative noise.

“Yeah, exactly. I’m just leaving the station now with Earl in tow and there’s two squad cars out to assist us.”

John sighs in relief. Parrish is one of his favorite hires. He makes John’s life so much smoother. Earl is the best dog they have in the K-9 unit for tracking. Dumb as a box of rocks in searching out drugs but people he can find. He picks up speed and beats all of his deputies to the park. His car is still there, locked and secure so John is convinced Stiles never even made it out of the park before he was triggered into some sort of PTSD episode.

As much as John would like to tear off into the woods to start searching for his kid, he knows he needs to wait for his deputies and Earl to be there to help him. For all that he wishes he had a homing beacon for his son, an inner sense of where he is at all times, he doesn’t.  He paces next to his car while he waits, checking the time on his phone until he sees one of the squad cars pull in to the parking lot. It’s Jordan, based on the number on the side; he’s had those memorized for ages, which is a little ridiculous. Parrish eases out of the car and smoothly gets Earl out of the back seat before coming around the cars to stand with John.

“Barnes and Jameson are a minute out. Did you bring something that smells like Stiles?” Jordan asks as he hands Earl’s leash over to John.

“Yeah, his gym bag is in the car. Should be pretty potent,” John replies with a small laugh, trying to keep himself from worrying any more than he already is. Derek is a big enough mess for the two of them; he has to keep his head on straight to get Stiles and deal with whatever is happening. Jordan smiles broadly, staying relaxed and John is again thankful for the young man in front of him. It’s only another moment before two more cars pull in and four more deputies get out and they have a proper search party.

John gets Stiles’ sweatshirt from his gym bag from his car and lets Earl get a good understanding of the scent before they go off, down the trail towards the park. The deputies fan out across the path, looking and re-looking at the foliage along the edges to see if there are any disturbances. John lets them do the jobs they’ve been trained for and keeps his attention on Earl.

The dog doesn’t take a long time, nose to the ground, to break from the path and take off into the woods. John sees broken twigs and footprints in the soft soil from a boot and he knows Earl has them going in the right direction. John whistles sharply and shouts for his guys to follow carefully. They stay fanned out, flashlights searching the forest floor between the trees and sparse bushes. John takes a moment to be grateful that the forest has little to no underbrush to fight through.

John loses the trail as they get to a part of the woods where the forest floor is covered in pine needles making Stiles’ footprints harder to see. But Earl continues on, tugging on the leash confidently following his nose. The further they get from the path and the park the more John’s thoughts start to wander. Should he have called an ambulance already? What are they going to do if Stiles needs a stretcher? What if he’s still in his flashback?

He reigns in his sporadic thoughts and focuses on where they’re headed towards in the woods. He grew up here and in his professional career has spent a fair amount of time in this forest. He knows they’re headed towards an area that turns rocky and there’s a ravine eventually too. He really hopes he isn’t going to find his son at the bottom of a cliff out here, he thinks to himself with a pang of panic seizing his chest.

He takes a deep breath and is able to remember a spot where he once found a young girl that had gone missing after a car accident. There’s a cave, a coyote den, and they’re walking right for it. Earl is still walking quickly, pulling against the leash even still, and John picks up his pace. He’s not full on running but it’s close and soon enough they make it to the crest of the small ravine and Earl barks twice loud and clear.

John scrambles down the rocky slant towards the small cave, heart beating fast and sharp as he lets his worry overtake him. He can hear the deputies come up to the edge of the ditch and hears Parrish start to praise Earl where John left him. But it all fades away when he approaches the mouth of the den and sees his son.

John’s heart sinks at the sight of his son, curled up on the ground, covered in dirt and leaves, hands covering his ears and out cold. He looks so small and vulnerable and John has the instinct to wrap him up in a blanket kiss it all better. It’s a paternal instinct he’s had for the last thirty some years of his life and even though he knows Stiles needs more than a father’s comforts after his latest ordeal he still wishes the solution could be so simple.

John kneels down on the cold rock and grips his son’s shoulders firmly, rolling him onto his back. He changes tactics almost immediately though and reaches to pull Stiles’ hands from his ears and hopefully contain any instinctual punches. John wants to rouse his son but he doesn’t want a black eye for the trouble. With one hand loosely gripping Stiles’ wrists together John uses the other to brush his fingers through Stiles’ hair gently and calling out his name softly.

He watches in relief as Stiles’ eyes flutter open slowly.

“Stiles, it’s me, it’s just dad. You’re okay. Don’t panic okay?” John says, murmuring in what he hopes is a calm manner as Stiles regains consciousness.

“Dad?” he croaks quietly, eyes still unfocused slightly and John lets go of his hands to cradle his face softly between his palms. Like his son is 16 instead of pushing 30. It makes him feel better when Stiles leans into the touch ever so slightly regardless.

“Hey kid,” John says quietly.

“Where-“ he says before he cuts himself off, eyes looking sharper as his brain comes more fully back online and they start darting around, taking in his surroundings.

“Am I in a cave?” he asks seriously and John huffs in a small amount of amusement and pulls his hands back to himself.

“You are,” he answers with a calm smile. “Do you remember getting here?”

Stiles shifts around and tries to sit up against the wall of rock behind him. John’s radio beeps at him and Parrish’s voice comes through asking if he’s found Stiles. Stiles waves at him to respond and so he reaches to his shoulder and presses his radio.

“Found him; Parrish I’ll need your help getting Stiles out of here, the rest of you can go back on duty. Thanks for the help.”

“Ten-four.”

Stiles is rubbing his palms down his face when John focuses back on him and now that he’s awake and relatively calm John looks his son up and down, searching for other injuries he could have missed initially.

“Are you hurt, Stiles?” he asks as he reaches forward to start patting him down, making sure for himself there’s no wound hidden somewhere and his son is quietly bleeding out or something, he doesn’t need that in his life.

Stiles pats his chest and shakes his head as if reassuring himself that he isn’t hurt.

“No, no I don’t think so,” he admits and John sits back again, giving Stiles some space just in case. “I remember…I remember getting worked up and Derek sending me home. Then…things got bad.”

John makes an abortive movement to reach out and hold Stiles’ hand.

“A flashback?”

Stiles nods but doesn’t elaborate. He’s no longer making eye contact and John’s knees are screaming at him to get up off the rocky floor. Still he gives his kid another moment before he moves to stand.

“Let’s get you out of here,” he says quietly and Stiles nods calmly, accepting the hand John puts out to help him up. “We’re going to stop by the hospital and have you checked out before I take you home, deal?” John asks in a way that’s more informing Stiles of the plan than anything else.

But Stiles just nods silently again and keeps his hold on John’s hand even as they walk out of the cave together into the cool night air. Jordan is waiting there, Earl patiently sitting at his feet and somehow he’s produced a blanket. Or maybe he had it the whole time, John could have missed it for how out of it he felt while Stiles was still missing.

“Hey buddy,” Jordan says gently as they climb out of the ravine carefully.

“Hey Jordan,” Stiles responds quietly and reaches out a hand for Jordan to shake, “Thanks for helping the old man find me.”

Jordan looks taken aback for a moment before he shakes his head and throws the blanket around Stiles’ shoulders.

“Wasn’t a question of if I would or not, Stiles. I’m just glad you’re in one piece.”

Stiles nods with a small smile and Jordan pats him on the back before they all turn and start walking back to the parking lot. Stiles is still a little out of it, stumbling along as he holds his dad’s hand to keep himself steady over the uneven terrain. It takes a little time but they make it back to the path and eventually to the cars. Both John and Stiles thank Parrish one more time before John helps Stiles up into the passenger seat of the suburban .

He pulls his phone out as he walks around to the driver seat and pulls up Derek’s number. He’s unsurprised that Derek answers after a single ring but John can’t get a word in before Derek is frantically speaking.

“Did you find him? Is he okay? Did he get hurt?”

“Derek you need to take a deep breath, son,” John says gently, only pausing a moment before he continues, just long enough to hear Derek taking a shaky breath in. “I found him, he’s not hurt. I’m still going to take him in to have him checked out and then I’ll be bringing him home, okay?”

Derek lets out another shaky breath of relief and John is intimately familiar with the feeling of relief Derek is currently experiencing. It’s another moment of silence over the phone before Derek says anything.

“I’ll see you when you get here then,” he says reluctantly and John’s heart goes out to him because if he was in Derek’s shoes he’d want nothing more than to drive to the hospital and meet them there. But with the kids asleep at the house both men know Derek can’t leave as much as he’d like to.

“We won’t be long, kid,” John reassures. “See you soon.”

He hears another sigh before the call ends and John pulls his phone back to lock the screen and pocket it before turning to his kid. Stiles is listing against the door, looking like he’s half asleep now that he’s getting warmer and in a cushy seat.

“We’ll make it a quick trip so you can get home,” he says quietly and Stiles nods.

John starts the car and then they’re off to the hospital. He calls Stiles’ therapist as they drive across town and he promises to be there as soon as he’s able to. Stiles is quiet for the ride over until they park and John turns off the car, the radio cutting out and sending the car into an abrupt silence.

Stiles sighs and John looks over at him as he sits slouched in the seat, picking at a spot of dried on mud from his jeans morosely.

“I hate that I put him through this shit, again,” he admits finally.

John hesitates for only a moment before he thinks up a response.

“You are both incredibly strong young men. And I have no doubt that Derek is more worried about you than he is about himself right now. It comes with the territory of loving someone.”

John’s thoughts stray instantly to his wife for a moment. To the struggles they had as the dementia set in and having to make the decision of having his wife committed to the hospital for constant observation. The hard times didn’t diminish the love he had for her. And similarly he knows this part of Stiles’ recovery doesn’t change the love Derek has for him. They both went into their relationship with the full disclosure that Stiles would possibly have mental or physical health issues returning from his service overseas.

Stiles had told John about the letter he’d written, trying to warn Derek off of starting anything too serious. And he’d also told him of Derek’s response, and insistence that he was comfortable making decisions for himself about pursuing a relationship. Plus, the engagement rings they’ve been sporting have been a pretty clear sign that Derek is in this for the long haul.

“I suppose,” he mutters petulantly and gets out of the car.

John suppresses a sigh and prays to the heavens they can get through this check-up rather quickly. He’d rather not keep Stiles here any longer than he needs to be. And he knows Derek is at home pacing or sitting with Sadie anxiously waiting for them. He’d rather not prolong that if he can help it at all. As he walks behind his son into the clinic he’s relieved to see Dr. Johnson walking down the hall towards them. Maybe they’ll get through this just as quickly as John would like.

*

Derek jumps up from his spot on the couch, pushing Sadie off his lap when he hears the garage door opening. He’d told himself he didn’t need to pace in front of the door waiting after John sent him a text they were on their way to the house. But now he walks as quietly as he can to the door into the garage and whips it open before Stiles and John are even out of the car. He waits impatiently on the rug in front of the door while Sadie bolts into the garage to get to Stiles’ side.

Stiles is a mess.

He’s got scrapes all over his arms and a cut on his face. He’s wearing a scrub shirt from the hospital with his now dirty jeans and boots and his hair is in greasy disarray. Derek’s heart sinks further the closer Stiles gets and the more details he can see. The small cuts and slivers marring Stiles’ hands and the dark circles beneath his tired eyes. Even still, Stiles quirks a little smile at Derek and Derek almost breaks down right then and there. But Stiles wraps his arms around Derek and gives him a quick squeeze.

“I’m okay, babe,” he whispers before pulling back and tugging Derek back into the house.

John follows behind them but Derek isn’t embarrassed to continue holding Stiles’ hand in front of his dad. He wouldn’t normally feel weird about it but he’s letting himself feel vulnerable right now and he’s going to take comfort in being able to hold Stiles’ hand, PDA teasing be damned.

But John doesn’t say anything about it, just clears his throat when they get to the base of the stairs and waits for them both to turn to face him.

“I’m gonna stay in the guest bed down here until morning, if that’s okay?”

Derek understands wanting to stay close. And John would only go home and fret in an empty house so it’s nothing to nod and let the man stay the night to be there for his son. Derek thinks John will even take the kids for them if they asked him to in the morning. Everybody has the day off work and Derek wants to be able to give his full attention to Stiles until he feels like the world is solid beneath his feet once again.

“That’s fine, dad. Extra blankets are in the closet now instead of the laundry room,” Stiles responds quietly when Derek’s voice fails him.

“Night boys,” John says with a nod and Derek tugs on Stiles’ hand until they’re walking up the stairs to the bedroom.

Stiles moves slowly and Derek just guides him to the bed and has him sit at the end, ignoring his protesting noise which Derek would attribute to his muddy jeans. Derek just kneels down and starts unlacing Stiles’ boots. His hands start shaking as his mind starts racing again, thoughts of what Stiles has gone through in the last few hours and then it goes to all the things Stiles has been through since they’ve known each other and while he was in the service.

He peels the boots off and angrily throws them towards the bathroom. First one then the other making loud thunks against the tile floor and Derek knows his brow is furrowed but he’s feeling angry now. He’s finally understanding that phrase that anger is fear turned inwards because he’s experiencing right in that moment.

He sits there, staring at the Stiles’ socked feet and tries to breathe through it rush of emotions. He fails.

Stiles gently grabs his chin to tip his head up so they can look at each other. Stiles’ face is soft with understanding and Derek hates that he’s so accepting of his fate and Derek’s the one that can’t deal. He should be strong for Stiles’ sake, not needing comfort. That achingly sweet smile makes another appearance and Derek swings back to fear and sadness almost as fast as his anger came over him.

“What’d those boots ever do to you?” Stiles asks quietly, trying to lighten the mood but it doesn’t have its desired effect.

Derek finally lets himself collapse and he leans forward, burying his face in Stiles’ stomach and letting a few sobs work their way through him until he can think straight again. Stiles just sits there, patiently rubbing Derek’s back until he pulls himself together enough to pull back and look up at his fiancé’s face again.

“I hate them,” Derek says tearfully. “I hate what they’ve done to you.”

“They kept my toes warm,” Stiles jokes, rubbing his sock covered toes against Derek’s leg.

Derek lets out something that could either be a laugh or a sob, it’s still hard to tell.

“Oh well, if your feet stayed warm, everything’s okay then,” Derek says sarcastically and Stiles sighs.

“Look, I’m sorry,” Stiles starts but Derek surges up and silences him with a kiss.

“No, no please don’t apologize okay? I’m the one who should be holding you not the other way around. I just, it really freaked me out that you weren’t home or answering your phone,” Derek says insistently.

“Hey, we lean on each other during these kinds of things, right? The only reason I’m not in the same place emotionally as you right now is because I’ve already had a conversation with Dr. Johnson. I was a mess when my dad found me so don’t feel like you need to be ashamed of feeling like this. I know we’ve both come a long way with all this stuff but, I guess I was under no illusions that my PTSD was ever going to completely go away any time soon. Hell, it could be years before I don’t get triggered at all. I am sorry you had to worry tonight. Let me at least apologize for that.”

Derek collapses into Stiles again, pressing his face into Stiles’ neck this time and wrapping his arms around his chest and just holding on.

“Fine,” he says, muffled into Stiles’ skin. “Shower?”

Stiles nods into Derek’s hair and Derek keeps his hugging him for another moment before he pulls back. Stiles just brings his hands up and holds Derek’s face. Derek lets his eyes flutter shut and lets Stiles drop gentle, feather light kisses on his lips, soaking up the comfort Stiles so willingly offers.

“Let’s go, Der,” Stiles says quietly and gently pushes Derek’s shoulders until he rolls back to his feet and pulls Stiles off the bed again.

Stiles kisses him again, more firmly this time and then walks to the bathroom, stripping out of the scrub shirt and kicking the boots out of his way as he goes. Derek shakes himself after a moment when he hears the shower turn on and walks to the closet, finally stripping out of his own jeans and shirt to slip into some pajamas. Digging out his softest t-shirt and plucking his favorite pair of boxer briefs from the drawer he calls it good and pads into the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth.

The water cuts off as he spits out his mouth wash and Stiles steps out of the shower, dripping all over the floor as he reaches for a towel. Derek leans against the counter by the sink, watching Stiles’ towel off before he pushes off it so that just as Stiles wraps the towel around his waist Derek can drop a kiss to the back of his neck.

“Oh!” Stiles says quietly and fumbles the towel a little. He turns with a soft smile and Derek returns it before walking back into their room.

He turns the covers down on their bed and crawls into his side, watching Stiles go into the closet for a pair of loose boxers. He watches happily as Stiles gets into bed and slides right up next to Derek, pressing himself all against him, shoulders to toes. Derek wraps his arms around him and Stiles brings his hands up and rests them on Derek’s chest.

Derek doesn’t have words to give Stiles to let him understand just what he went through over the last few hours. And he doesn’t think he’d shatter the moment by bringing up his own struggles right now when clearly Stiles is the one who is having PTSD flashbacks. He’s brought out of his thoughts when Stiles kisses him chastely.

“You’re thinking quite loudly, dearest,” Stiles says, smiling gently up at him from where he’s mostly snuggled into Derek’s chest. “I’m really ready to sleep right now but I want you to know, you’re important too.”

“Uh, thanks?”

Stiles huffs at his tone of confusion.

“I mean, that just because I’m the one with PTSD doesn’t mean I should get all the attention after an episode like this. You deal with it to just by being around me and we’re going to talk about how this night went for the both of us in the morning when my dad takes the kids out to breakfast,” Stiles says sincerely and Derek just sighs. He’s using that tone. The tone that says, ‘we’re doing things my way, no highway option.’

“Fine,” Derek concedes as he pushes closer, entwining their legs together. “We’ll talk in the morning.”

Stiles nods into Derek’s chest a presses another gentle kiss there.

“I love you,” he whispers, sounding mostly asleep already and Derek just presses a soft kiss into his damp hair.

“I love you too, babe.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope the longer chapter makes up for the wait! Let me know what you think!
> 
> Also, the previous chapters had a chance to sit for a week or so and then get another round of edits...this is freshly finished this morning so I hope it wasn't too erroneous :D
> 
> Also, this is the longest chapter unless chapter 8 somehow miraculously makes it over 10k :)


	5. I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes my rhyme.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Derek gets nice things, just like he deserves.

 

[February 2016]

 

Derek loves being a teacher. Getting dressed in the morning - putting himself together with a smooth belt holding his slacks in place, crisp button up covered by a soft sweater vest Stiles got for him, tie nestled comfortably in place - makes him feel ready to handle anything. Well, most days it does. This year his class of 5 and 6 year olds is one of the best groups of kids he’s ever worked with. So more often than not he’s excited to go to work and teach his kindergarteners.

When he was choosing his career, having children of his own was a distant dream. But now that he’s fully committed to Stiles and their three kids he couldn’t be more grateful for his work schedule. With the kids in the same school he’s teaching at, he’s closer than close in case of emergencies. And getting his kids to and from the school is easy as pie since they can sit in his room after class lets out until he’s ready to go home. He loves having breaks at the same time as his kids and getting to spend the summers with them uninterrupted.

Day to day their system of getting everyone fed, lunches packed and off to school goes relatively smoothly. But mornings like this one, where everything seems to be going against him from the get go makes Derek want to crawl back in bed and ignore the world until it stops being mean.

His shampoo bottle was empty and he forgot to grab the new one from the closet across the hall so he used Stiles’ even though he knows it’s too heavy for his thick hair. His favorite pants that he’d laid out to wear today have a mysterious stain on the thigh that he couldn’t hide if he tried. The kids didn’t eat the breakfast he made for them. And to top it off he has to go to work without a goodbye kiss from Stiles. For the fourth day in a row.

Stiles has been on base teaching since Saturday so Derek hasn’t seen him or been sent off to work with a kiss and a fresh travel thermos of coffee all week. It’s on par for the day then when he winds up spilling his coffee on the way to the car and gets halfway to his mom’s to drop off Lizzy before he realizes his own breakfast is still sitting on the counter in the kitchen.

Still, he remembers to call his mom that he’s on his way and he has the kids, their lunches, and their backpacks so he’s got that going for him at least. He must have sounded as frazzled as he feels on the phone because she’s waiting outside for him with a thermos and a paper bag when he pulls up. She doesn’t even give him time to get out of the car before she’s there motioning for him to roll his window down so she can hand him both things. As he’s still frozen in slight confusion she leans in and presses a quick kiss to his forehead like he’s 12 years old and not 32 with kids in the car. 

“You’re doing a great job, sweetie,” she says sincerely and Derek just stares at her even as Lizzy is getting herself out of the car. “Take a deep breath and don’t let your morning set the tone for the day.”

He gives her a sheepish smile as he blindly puts the coffee in the cup holder and the bag on the passenger seat.

“Thanks ma,” he says quietly before looking down at Lizzy and pulling up a smile, “You be good for Grandma Talia, okay? If I hear of any trouble we won’t get to have ice cream for dessert tonight,” he says mock sternly and is rewarded with giggles from the backseat and laughter from Lizzy.

“I’ll be good, daddy. Have a good day at work,” she responds with a grin before blowing him a kiss.

Derek makes a show of catching it and feels some more of his frustration dissipate in his chest. As he drives away towards the school the most he lets himself think about is if he’s going to move one of tomorrows activities to day. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and he just knows his kids are going to be restless in their excitement for the holiday.

His classroom is already covered in pink and white and red; hearts and garland and cupids hang from the ceiling and plaster the walls. They made their Valentine’s mail boxes on Monday but the last couple days have been normal days in an effort to still have a full week’s learning crammed into three and a half days. It doesn’t take long once he gets Emily and Ben off to their classrooms for him to settle in with his plan for the day and start rearranging to include an extra Valentine’s themed worksheet for after Library Time at the end of the day.

When his kids come in, already squirmy and excited he knows it’s going to be an interesting Thursday.

*

Derek walks back into the classroom, his kids trailing calmly behind him after their time in the library reading books with the librarian, Ms. Anderson. He’d only been gone for 10 minutes, tops, getting the kids and walking them back. So it’s a surprise when he finds a huge, beautiful bouquet of flowers sitting on his desk.

He stops abruptly and stares at it, confused, as the kids make their way to their desks. It takes him a moment before he shakes himself and walks over and looks for a card. His brain starts assuming things rapid fire. The flower shop delivered on the wrong day. His kids got him flowers for the holiday, or maybe the PTA. Ugh, the Lopez twin’s mother probably sent them. She always conveniently ignores the ring on his finger at parent teacher conferences. 

He’d already explained the worksheet to the kids in the library so after making a quick head count and making sure he’s got all of his students at their desks coloring he reaches for the envelope. He recognizes Stiles’ neat print in all caps on the outside of the envelope addressing it to the future Mr. Stilinski-Hale and can’t hold back a grin.

The inside of the card from the flower shop just says: _Because I missed your face <3_

But there’s also a little folded up note that falls out onto his desk when he opens the card. He’s glad his kids are occupied as he gets through the poem Stiles wrote for him but gets a little misty eyed by the end.

Valentine’s day as a holiday is overrated,  
because “I love you” isn’t something to be shouted.  
It’s making sure you put your seat belt on  
It’s getting drawings signed in crayon

I don’t need a day on the calendar telling me what to do  
Or a poem claiming that roses are red, violets are blue  
I would hope you know I love you without a doubt  
I hope I say it through my actions and don’t need to shout

You’re the person I love with all my heart  
Even when you forget to put my cereal in the cart  
I couldn’t stop loving you, no matter how hard I try  
I’ve chosen to love you until the day I die.

After the consistently frustrating day he’s had, Derek sniffs hard but he doesn’t even get to finish rolling his eyes at himself or wiping at his eyes before any tears could fall.

“Mr. Hale! Mr. Hale!” Jack cries out as he runs towards Derek’s desk and he jumps up so he can kneel down and listen to his student. He’s bothered that he didn’t notice Jack leaving his seat but he’s more bothered by the wide eyed, shocked look on Jack’s face. He doesn’t get to ask what’s wrong, Jack continues to speak.

“There’s a _man_ in the bathroom,” he says in a whisper shout that would have made Derek smile if the words didn’t make his heart race.

He looks over at the rest of the class and finds them staring but he just puts Jack behind him and strides over to the bathroom that’s situated in the back of the classroom. He finds himself wishing for some of Stiles’ training when he hears a familiar giggle echo off the tiled walls.

He pulls up short of rushing into the small room as he sighs and just slowly pushes the door so it swings open. Stiles is standing there, laughing under his breath with his phone out and pointed at the small toilet.

“This is just too great,” he says and Derek is still shocked silent. “It’s so _tiny._ How have I been in your classroom so many times but never seen these little commodes? It’s like that Will Ferrell movie but in reverse!”

“Elf?” Jack says and Derek looks down at him, having almost forgotten about his student needing to use the bathroom Stiles is still occupying.

“Mr. Stilinski,” Derek says sternly, finally finding his voice again, “I’m going to have to ask you to leave the restroom; Jack needs to use it.”

Derek is satisfied when his words jolt Stiles into action.

“I’m sorry buddy,” he says quickly as he slides his phone into the back pocket of his fatigues and steps out of the small room. “It’s all yours,” he tells the little boy with a smile and an exaggerated gesture to enter the room.

As the door closes Stiles turns to him, wide smile still plastered on his face.

“What are you doing here, Stiles?” Derek asks as he pulls Stiles over towards his desk.

Stiles’ smile doesn’t falter in the slightest even though Derek thinks his question comes out a little harshly given his brief emotional rollercoaster of the last minute and a half.

“Didn’t you see the card?”

Derek plucks the card up off his desk even as he’s sitting back into his chair and Stiles is leaning against the desk, long legs stretched out in front of him with his ankles crossed. He looks utterly content and Derek thinks Stiles looks just as beautiful as the flowers he sent while he’s standing there in his fatigues bathed in sunshine from the wall of windows.

“You missed my face? That’s your reason?”

“It sure is. Waking up in the barracks every morning since I left is nothing to seeing your scruffy face across the pillow from me when I wake up,” Stiles answers quietly. “We finished class a day early and I missed you so I thought I’d stop by. I didn’t mean to interrupt class,” he says on a laugh, “I just got distracted.”

“It’s okay,” Derek concedes easily, he doesn’t mind at all that Stiles stopped in to see him. He cares even less given the flowers and the poem. “I didn’t know you were such a wordsmith. Poetry?” he asks, lifting the folded note.

Stiles cheeks go a little pink.

“I had to work really hard to make those rhymes work. Don’t expect too much more from me on that front.”

“That’s okay,” Derek replies fondly, “You’re still my favorite person.”

Stiles’ breath hitches and Derek smirks at him. The last time Derek said that they were both sweaty and sated in sheets tangled around their feet and he knows that afternoon’s activities just flashed through Stiles’ mind.

“You’re a menace,” Stiles says playfully angry. “I’m going to go pick up Lizzy from your mom’s. I’ll see you at home?”

Derek nods and pulls him down for a quick kiss on the cheek, he’s already left his class unattended for far too long.

“I have to stop and pick up some milk on my way home but I don’t need to stay after school gets out so we’ll all be home right away,” Derek explains and Stiles pulls him up from his chair.

“Sounds good. I’ll see you at home then,” Stiles says as they walk to the door.

Derek nods and lets Stiles get out the door and a couple steps into the hallway before he calls out.

“Oh, Stiles,” he waits for his fiance to turn and look at him, “I won’t forget your Reese’s Puffs.”


	6. I hate the way you're always right, I hate it when you lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Stiles should have been more careful.

 

[September 2016]

 

This is not happening. This can’t be happening to him. After everything he’s been through and survived there is no way he has fallen and can’t get up.

Except, that’s exactly what’s happening to him.

After getting shot, Stiles of course went through rehab and physical therapy to make sure he regained full range of motion with his leg. But after the mandatory therapy was over, working out in general, kind of…stopped. He was more than a little busy though with moving, adopting two kids and adjusting to life with them.

It’s been over a year since Ben and Elizabeth came into their lives. Lizzy is now enrolled in kindergarten so Stiles has had some free time since school started a few weeks ago. So much free time that he decided to get back into a routine of going to the gym. It was easy to get set up with a free trial at the new gym on their side of town and Stiles has gone every day for the past week even though Derek told him to take it easy as he started back up.

He woke up stiff today though and had to slowly shuffle around the house getting the kids ready for school while Derek cooked breakfast. Fridays they always make a hot breakfast and Stiles was temporarily distracted from his discomfort by all the bacon Derek made. After his family left, Stiles just putzed around the house doing the random little things that needed to be done. The dishes needed to be done, the kid’s space in the basement needed tidying, the bathroom upstairs needed to be cleaned desperately.

He fully intended to go to the gym after he finished his chores, really he did, because he knew he’d feel better even after doing a light day than if he just stayed home. Instead, he ended up on the couch just to rest for a minute. Only a minute quickly turned to twenty and when he went to get up he was more sore than he was when he woke up.

He cursed as he stumbled his way back into the kitchen and towards the ibuprofen bottle. He had made it to the cupboard and had been able to take some of the painkillers before he started to make his way up the stairs heading back towards his bed. He’d almost made it too.

Instead his leg cramped up or had a Charlie-horse which was painful enough but it made him crumple to the floor and when he hit the ground something happened.

Because he well and truly has fallen and can’t get up.

After the pain from the cramp faded Stiles realized that wasn’t the only place that was hurting. Something in his back keeps sending spikes of pain through him when he starts to move to stand and he gives up pretty quickly.

It takes some slow, painful wiggles before Stiles can roll over flat on his back and reach into his pocket for his phone. Derek is at work, Boyd actually sent out a do not disturb message for the week and Melissa is probably asleep and Stiles really doesn’t want anybody to see him like this.

Well, anybody but his dad. Or maybe medical personnel.

“9-1-1 Emergency response, what is your emergency?”

Stiles sighs because he recognizes the voice.

“Sheila, it’s Stiles. I need-“

“Stiles, kid you should know by now not to call this number for your dad.”

“No, I-“

“I’ll patch you through.”

The line beeps as Stiles is transferred and all he can do is huff. Which he regrets when the movement makes that pinch in his back twinge and shoot pain up into his shoulders and neck.

He’s groaning when his dad answers the phone.

“I’m going to hang up now just in case this is a butt dial.”

“No, no nononono. Dad, please. Don’t hang up,” Stiles says breathily.

“Kid, what do you need. Why did you call the emergency number?”

Stiles laughs a little but it comes out a little stilted.

“Stiles?”

“I could maybe use some help,” Stiles admits, voice cracking when another spike of pain goes through his body.

He can hear papers rustling and then a door closing and Stiles knows his dad is already coming to help him out.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

“Um, yes and no? I may have fallen and I uh, can’t move without some, pretty severe pain,” Stiles replies voice strangled.

“I’ll be right there. Do you need me to stay on the phone?”

“No, I’ll be fine. I’m, uh, on the landing in the house,” Stiles tells him.

“Okay, I’m on my way,” his dad says as if Stiles can’t hear the car starting in the background.

*

It’s only a few minutes until his dad is there and quickly climbing the stairs. Instead of helping him up right away he just stands there, hands on his hips as he surveys his grown son splayed out on the floor.

“You didn’t listen to Derek’s warnings about working too hard at the gym did you?”

Stiles sighs and winces when his back pinches with the movement.

“No, I didn’t. Derek is always right and Stiles is always wrong. Can you help me please?”

His dad huffs but leans down anyway to get his arms under Stiles’ armpits and lifts him straight up.

“I didn’t say that. Just that _sometimes_ your husband is right and you would do well to realize that he cares about you and that’s why he says things like take it easy in the gym, dear.”

“My name isn’t Jim.”

His dad rolls his eyes and almost drops his hold on him. Stiles agrees that Derek was right to warn him as they maneuver down the stairs and out the front door to where his dad’s county Sheriff’s SUV is waiting. Getting in the car is an exercise in self-control because it _really hurts._

“Where are we going?” Stiles asks through gritted teeth as they bump their way down the road.

“We’re going to a chiropractor. I already called and made you an emergency appointment. They’re squeezing you in since it was so sudden.”

Stiles nods and takes a deep breath as he tries to relax into the seat.

“Derek is never going to let me live this down.”

*

Derek doesn’t. He gloats all night in front of the kids. Going on and on about how they should always listen to him because he’s right. Stiles just takes the teasing and the kids just roll their eyes and go about their night as usual. But as soon as they’re in their room, Stiles with his ice packs and the extra blanket, Derek’s mask of cheerfulness fades. Stiles looks over his shoulder as his shuffling towards the bed is paused by Derek’s hands on his hips. He looks almost distressed and Stiles tries to turn around to hug him but Derek stops his movement.

“What’s wrong?” Stiles asks but Derek just shakes his head.

Stiles huffs as Derek helps him lay down and get the ice packs situated before laying the blanket across Stiles’ feet. Stiles doesn’t push or ask again; he decides just to wait it out. Derek lays down gingerly on the bed next to him and rolls onto his side facing Stiles. So Stiles turns his head to look at him.

“I’m sorry you’re hurt.”

Stiles reaches out and pats at Derek’s hand because he’s being dramatic. It’s a pinched nerve, not another gunshot wound.

“It’s fine, babe. I’ll be good as new in a few days, okay?”

Derek sighs and kisses him on the cheek but when he pulls back he looks a little less contrite.

“The one time I didn’t want to be right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is short and silly and I re-read it a couple times but didn't have anything to add, so I hope you enjoy!


	7. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Stiles gets blindsided by memories.

 

[December 2013]

 

Scott McCall by and large has the personality of a puppy. He used to argue with Allison and Stiles when they’d tell people that about him but he doesn’t bother anymore. They’ve explained, Stiles more in depth, how he is exactly like a puppy. Highly intelligent, easily amused, kind, protective, prone to worrying on occasion. It made joining the army a questionable move when his wife and mother consider him fairly soft hearted.

Basic Training wasn’t the best, but, it isn’t really supposed to be the best either. He was promptly nicknamed Fred after his drill sergeant’s pit bull. He took some joshing for his easy going nature but once he proved himself in a few fights backing up Stiles and a few more sparring matches it tapered off. Then when they got into the Rangers, he earned his nickname again with his strategic planning and his ruthless manner protecting his brothers.

Even so he still thinks of himself as pretty easy going, even if he has killed a few people serving as a sergeant in the US Army. He likes to think that he doesn’t hate much, though. He can tolerate the heat and the sand. He even has learned to deal with being away from his wife for months on end. But something he really hates is how much Stiles has changed since they were kids.

Well, since Heather died.

Scott can understand avoiding grief; grief isn’t a fun thing to process, for anyone. But it’s been years since Heather died in the car accident with a drunk driver and Scott _knows_ Stiles hasn’t done shit to process it. He doesn’t have that open smile, doesn’t make dumb jokes anymore. The only time Scott sees his best friend truly smile, truly  _happy_ is when he gets to Skype with Emily or read her letters.

Scott didn’t know what he was going to do when Stiles no longer had the work to focus on and the miles between himself and where he used to spend his time with Heather.

Then, Stiles got a letter from someone new.

They'd gotten a box of letters from an elementary school in New York and Stiles had pulled two, one with neat print in pen and another written in crayon like the rest of them. Stiles didn't tell him about the first letter right away, but eventually he had to ask Scott how to respond. He'd asked it in such a uncommonly vulnerable way that Scott joked a little to bring his friend back from wherever his thoughts had taken him. He'd said Stiles should write back to anyone willing to befriend his grumpy ass. Stiles had smirked and shaken himself, to Scott's relief. Given the increase in times his name got yelled out at mail call, Scott figured Stiles chose to write the person back. He never really talked to Scott about it but, gradually, Scott was able to notice that his real smile would come out even when the letter wasn’t from Emily or his dad, but from this new person instead.

Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Scott didn’t say anything; he just let Stiles keep it private if he wanted it to be that way.

Christmas came and went with its usual influx of packages and letters. Since Scott and Stiles have always been deployed together in the same unit, they'd always end up combining their gifts anyway. So the last two years their family has just skipped the hassle and they decided to send one giant box for the both of them. The unit got their own care packages with a new batch of letters from a different school, this one in Iowa.

Three days after Christmas, Stiles got another package. When he sat down to open it, Scott noticed their tent was empty except for the two of them. Scott got to see a smile in that private moment, even a huff of laughter from Stiles as he sliced through the tape and opened the box. The smile grew from a small, hesitant thing to a full grin when Stiles got the package all the way open and started rifling through what he'd been sent.

Scott crossed over to his bunk and sat next to him, peering in the box and laughing himself at the sight of its contents.

“Captain America boxers?” he asks, laughing softly. “Been a long time since I’ve seen some of those.”

“Yeah,” Stiles huffs, smile shrinking almost as fast as it appeared. “Heather had a pair that were just like mine. One time,” he says, voice getting tighter. “one time, in those few weeks right after Emily was born? And we weren’t sleeping at all? They got mixed up. Got up one night to pee and there was no slit in the front. I ended up asleep on the toilet after I sat down. Heather found me, still sitting there a few hours later when Emily woke up crying again.”

Stiles laughs a little but it’s sad laughter, it’s the kind of hitching breaths that Scott knows is about to turn into sobs. He wraps his arm around Stiles’ shoulders and lets his brother lean into him, doesn’t even flinch when Stiles buries his face in his neck and starts crying in earnest.

“I- I _miss_ her, Scott,” he chokes out through the sobs.

As much as he hates seeing Stiles hurting, Scott knows this could be good in the long run. He holds his closest friend safe in his arms, rubbing his back in comfort. But Stiles’ tears don’t stop; they don’t taper off like Scott expected them to.

Outside the tent Scott, hears their guys coming out of the mess tent and start coming towards their quarters. Stiles wouldn’t want to be seen like this, so not in control of himself and overly fragile with emotion. Scott figures that’s why he doesn’t fight when Scott stands him up and walks him out onto base and towards the medic tent. As much as he wants to be there for his friend, someone with actual training might be helpful at this point. Stiles needs to talk things out with someone qualified to counsel and offer support, someone who can walk him through the grief that's washing over him.

He gets Stiles settled with the doctor and leaves him to work through his grief. It’s hours later that Stiles comes back to their sleeping quarters, strips naked and puts on his new civilian underwear and a clean t-shirt. The other guys in the tent don’t bat an eyelash at his behavior, even when he grabs Scott and pulls him down on the same cot right next to him. Scott doesn’t even get a chance to ask anything before Stiles starts to speak, voice rough.

“I miss Heather. I missed her so much in the beginning, but I was terrified of being alone with Emily, so much so that deployment was a relief because I wasn’t there to screw up our kid. How am I supposed to raise a daughter all by myself? Heather was supposed to _be_ _here_. Supposed to tell her stories and braid her hair and help her get through high school. I’m still afraid I’m messing everything up with her. That I’m disappointing Heather whenever I fail or snap at Emily when I’m home. I just, getting deployed has been easier. Dad got to be the discipline. _He’s_ more her father than I am at this point and-“

“OH my god, shut up Stiles.” Scott interjects, sick of hearing Stiles’ tear himself down like that. “ _You_ are Emily’s father and a damn good one. I get having doubts right away, but Emily is a happy, healthy, kind, intelligent little 5 year old girl and you have done everything you could and more to make her that way. Don’t you dare say you’ve messed up with her, I will smack you,” he threatens.

Stiles huffs weakly and Scott shoves at him until they’re both laying on the cot. Scott hasn’t done this in years but with the way Stiles curls himself into a ball and lets Scott lay down behind him and just hold on, he doesn’t think Stiles minds. Their backs are to the room and Scott doesn’t really care if the rest of the unit sees or has questions. He hasn’t had boundaries with his brother ever in his life before. With the day Stiles has just gone through Scott is more than willing to offer comfort in any way, shape, or form.

He feels Stiles take a few shuddering breaths and just holds on tighter.

“Hey Scott?” Stiles finally says, voice shaky. “Can you…can you say all that stuff again?”

Scott smiles softly and shakes Stiles gently before he starts offering every reassurance he knows.

“Bro, you are the best dad. I mean, honestly, you are the best with Emily. And your dad is awesome, so it’s not really a fair comparison but, dude. Emily is gonna grow up thinking her dad is a hero just like you did. So you’re not perfect, nobody’s perfect but you’re still a thousand times better than my dad ever was. And dude, you’re going to be even better when we get out of here and get to be home. And yeah, I know it sucked today for you to drag up everything you’ve been ignoring about Heather. But, really, you have to try and process it Stiles. You haven’t been yourself since the accident, that’s _years_ Stiles. I shouldn’t have- I shouldn’t have let you go this long, I should have done something.”

“I probably would have hit you,” Stiles says, voice coming out a bit stronger than before, to Scott's satisfaction.

“And I probably would have let you. Dude, Heather and I were friends too, just because I wasn’t as close with Heather as you were, that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me about her. Like sometimes, when I see the girls here and the way they light up when we bring them stuff like fruit they’ve never seen before? I see Heather eating her first peach that time in sixth grade. Because her mom was allergic so she’d never eaten peaches in her life, remember? And then you and I we brought her over and between the three of us we ate like twenty peaches in one sitting.”

Stiles laughs, probably remembering how sick they’d all gotten a few hours later, but how it was all worth it.

“Scott, I-“

“Does your wife know about you and the Sarge, McCall?” Corporal Ramirez suddenly yells from across the room cutting off whatever Stiles was going to say next.

Stiles huffs and in their scary coordination they both flip him off over their shoulders.

“You know you’d be the first person we’d ask to be our third though, right?” Scott says breathily in Stiles' ear, just to rile him up.

“Oh my god,” Stiles says laughing, wiping at his ear and pretending to retch as he rolls of the bunk away from Scott, “I hate you a lot right now McCall.”

Scott leans over and looks at Stiles where he lays on the ground looking back up at him.

“No you don’t,” he chides with a smile.

“Nah,” Stiles says softly, that real smile gracing his features again, “Love you, bro.”

*

 

[February 2016]

 

Stiles finishes pulling on his Captain America boxers, towels off his hair so it stops dripping cold water on his shoulders and just crawls back into bed. It’s times like this, when memories of Scott slam into him, that Stiles is glad he doesn’t have a day job still. He had just finished showering and was getting dressed, when the recollection of pulling Captain America underwear out of his Christmas care package in Afghanistan hit him like a ton of bricks.

And then all of a sudden, a perfectly normal day gets shot to hell. He was supposed to do laundry, dishes, clean the kitchen floor. He has a whole list of errands he promised Derek he would get done today instead of spending the day in the kitchen baking. Again. Now he suddenly feels like he weighs about a thousand pounds and it’s all he can do to crawl into his and Derek’s bed and collapse beneath the weight of his emotions. He grabs his cell phone off the nightstand and burrows beneath the comforter, curled into a tight ball in the middle of the bed, letting his breath fill the space beneath the blanket with warmth.

After a while, he blinks the tears out of his eyes, and rubs his face on the sheets to clear his vision even more so that he can see the screen. He goes right to his messages and taps on Derek’s name.

He just sends the one text. 

**I need you here.**

Stiles doesn’t even look at the time before he locks his phone again, plunging the space back into relative darkness. He doesn’t know how long he’s been laying there missing the warmth of Scott behind him when he needed him. He doesn’t know how long it will be before Derek sees the text message, let alone is done with school and can get home to him.

So he waits in that awkward stage of being half awake and half asleep. He knows he ends up crying a little more. And he remembers; he remembers all the little things he hasn’t thought about, things about his brother in what feels like too long.

After a long while, Stiles hears a door slam and then there’s lots of feet rushing up the stairs and down the hall, stopping short outside the bedroom door. He can hear Derek talking to the kids but Stiles still can’t move, can’t even flip the covers off his head. Sadie has long since been curled up at his feet on the bed but Stiles feels her leave right after he hears the door open and shut.

“Stiles,” Derek says quietly, sounding worried.

He looks worried too, Stiles thinks, when he carefully folds the comforter back and Stiles looks up at him. Stiles knows what he must look like, face splotchy and covered in tear tracks, snot and fresh tears. He knows he’s got little wet spots on the sheets from where his tears soaked in and where he wiped his nose every once in a while.

But Derek’s face just crumples as he crawls up the bed, dress pants, shoes, coat and all and wraps himself around Stiles, letting Stiles bury his damp face right in his chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, Stiles. I didn’t see your text until we were on the other side of town after school. We- I would have been here sooner otherwise. What’s wrong? What’s happening?” Derek asks, petting at Stiles' hair with shaky fingers and a shaky, panicked voice.

“Scott,” Stiles croaks after a moment. “Just, missing Scott.”

Stiles lets himself be held in Derek's arms for a few long moments of silence, filled only with Derek running his fingers through Stiles’ hair. Derek simply waits for Stiles as he tries to get his breathing under control again.

“Do you want the kids? They’re worried too, but I didn’t want to crowd you,” he asks softly after a few minutes of quiet.

“No, no I don’t think I can, explain everything I need to right now I just- I just need you. Just you,” Stiles admits, hesitantly, arms squeezing around Derek a little tighter.

“Okay, love,” Derek whispers and Stiles’ eyes flutter shut again when Derek presses a kiss in his hair and starts to untangle himself. “I’m going to tell them you’re okay and get them some leftovers for supper and then I’ll be back okay? I just need another few minutes and then I’m yours for the rest of the night.”

Stiles nods, eyes still closed as he reaches up and grabs a pillow to clutch to his chest, wishing it helped ease the ache there.

 

Derek eases through the bedroom door and shuts it quietly behind himself before he leans his forehead against it and just breathes for a moment. They've been through so much together already and Derek still isn't at all jaded when it comes to Stiles' bad days. And it's something he hopes he never does become jaded to even though it makes his stomach drop and his heart race until he knows his fiancé is okay. He only gives himself a moment though because the kids are still right behind him waiting for an explanation.

"Dad?" Emily prompts impatiently and Derek turns around with a sigh.

"Bad day?" she asks and Derek nods.

"Yeah, a bad day," he confirms.

"Who this time?" she asks again timidly while Ben and Lizzy just wait for an explanation.

"Uncle Scott," Derek says quietly but Emily nods at him and squares her shoulders.

“So what can we do?”

Derek smiles softly at her and cups her serious little face in his hand.

“Be good. I’ll get you guys some supper and then I need you to just watch movies or find something to do inside so I can help your dad. Think you can do that for me?”

He looks at each of them, mainly Ben and Lizzy to see if they need more of an explanation, but Lizzy just nods and Ben shrugs so Derek thinks they understand each other. He hustles them down to the kitchen to get their food going and get back to Stiles. It feels like it takes ages but it’s really only twenty minutes before he’s walking back upstairs, leaving the door to the bedroom open so they can hear the kids in the house.

He gets out of his work clothes and into sweats and a t-shirt so he can crawl into their bed and get spooned up behind Stiles. Derek gets a leg thrown over both of Stiles’, his arms wrapped around his waist and his chin hooked over Stiles' shoulder. Sometimes Stiles needs space when he gets in these kinds of moods but the way he was clutching at the pillow when Derek left, made Derek think it might be a time where Stiles needs someone to hold him together while his thoughts run rampant. Judging by the way Stiles’ breathing gets deeper, more controlled and the way his body relaxes with a jolt Derek thinks he did something right.

“I never told you about that day,” Stiles says after a few moments. “I never told you the story of when I got your box for Christmas in Afghanistan.”

“Stiles, you don’t have to-“

“I know,” Stiles cuts in as he reaches down to grab Derek’s hand and raise it to his lips to press a kiss to it. “I know but I think it might help so I stop replaying it in my head over and over.”

“Okay,” Derek says softly, nodding his agreement.

“That day, it was after Christmas by a few days. I knew to expect a package from you but I didn’t know you’d send me such a big box. I waited for my guys to go eat so it was just me and Scott in the tent. And when I opened it and saw all that Marvel stuff I just, I couldn’t stop smiling. I was pulling things out and laying them in my lap to really look when Scott came over. I, I know I told you in my letters that my unit called me Grumpy Gus but, really, I was only happy when I was reading letters from Emily or my dad or getting to Skype with them. Until you came along. Scott teased me about you a little eventually. But he admitted that he’d just been so relieved that I was even a little bit happier that he didn’t want to ruin it.”

“Anyway he came over and I pulled out the Captain America briefs you sent me. They were funny for the few seconds it took for me to remember. To remember something that had been firmly put into a box labeled “Heather” and shoved to the back of my brain never to be thought of again. Because I knew, if I even let one of those thoughts loose, they’d all come flooding back to the surface and I’d have to _deal_ with them. But sure enough, I got hit with the memory of when Emily was a newborn and I was living with Heather. See, Heather and I both had a pair of those briefs with one obvious difference. But sleep deprivation and combined laundry meant one night I’d put on her pair instead of mine before I fell into bed.”

“Well, I woke up in the middle of the night not to my daughter's cries for once but because I had to pee. And it was only then that I realized I had her pair on. Exhausted and out of it I ended up sitting to pee instead but then I ended up falling asleep. Right there on the toilet. Heather found me in the morning still sitting there, dead to the world.”

Stiles sniffles a little and for as much as Derek wants to get him a tissue he doesn’t want to pull away.

“It opened the box. It brought everything back to the surface and it was like my heart got ripped open, like the wound of her death had been stitched up but never healed. So when I ripped the stitches, it was like getting ripped apart. I lost it; Scott sat with me until our guys started to come back into the tent and then he walked me to the med tent where I curled up on a cot and cried myself to sleep after a few hours of misery. By then a counselor had been called and he talked to me when I woke up, asked me questions, he had to determine if I was fit for duty. That’s how messed up I was.”

“He all but ordered me to talk about it with Scott or with _someone_ because holding it in for five years was unhealthy and he even had like, follow up sessions with me planned and everything. So he sent me back to my quarters and I went in, stripped down to nothing pulled on the briefs and a clean t-shirt. Scott was right there waiting for me, held me like this when I admitted to missing Heather so much, how I had doubts about being a good dad. He just, he was Scott. He was my brother, my rock.”

“And today?” Derek prompts quietly after a few minutes of silence.

“Today I remembered. I remembered things about Scott, things I miss, that I haven’t let myself think for a while and it was…overwhelming.”

Derek lets that settle because that’s enough of a reason. Stiles’ breathing has gotten a lot steadier and from the sounds of it, the tears have stopped as well. Eventually Derek has to loosen his hold on Stiles and shift around a little so they’re actually comfortable on the bed. Stiles doesn’t protest, in fact he rolls onto his back and straightens out, stretching his arms up towards the headboard and his legs over the end of the bed. He still ends up with his side pressed into where Derek is laying with his head propped up on his hand, their legs tangling together again in the new position.

“Is there anything else I can do, Stiles?” Derek asks still concerned, he hasn’t done much but listen.

But Stiles shakes his head with a barely there smile.

“No this is, this is good. I just needed you to be here,” he admits, his eyebrows pinching as he gets sad again and pulls on Derek’s t-shirt until he leans forward to kiss him. Stiles kisses him a few times, closed mouthed and just a little dry but Derek doesn’t mind. It’s only after they’ve settled back down on the bed again that the door swings open more fully and Emily is there, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

“Can I come in?” she asks hesitantly. 

Stiles pops his head up to see her standing uncertainly in the doorway and quickly waves her in. Permission was all she was waiting for, because once granted, Emily darts into the room and throws herself up onto the bed.

"Hey, sweetie," Stiles whispers when she crawls on top of him and buries her face in his chest.

"'M sorry you're sad," she says, voice muffled in Stiles' t-shirt, "Is it- is it my fault? Because I brought him up yesterday?"

Stiles' fingers that had been running through her hair halt and he sighs deeply. Derek simply wraps an arm around the both of them.

"Oh, no. Sweetie no," he says quietly but emphatically, "I didn't even remember that you and I talked about him. It’s not your fault, I promise. I _like_ that you still remember Uncle Scott; we should talk about him more. We should talk about your mom more, too. And even if I was upset because of something we talked about it wouldn't be your fault. Sometimes I just have days where I'm sad. And it won't be anyone's fault it's just something that happens, okay?"

Emily nods and shifts so she's in the middle between them and Derek just moves over a little to give her room to lay on the bed. It only takes a few minutes like that, them laying all together, before Stiles' breathing goes slow and even. Emily slowly twists to look back at Derek looking less upset than when she came in.

"He's asleep," she whispers and Derek nods before he grabs her gently and rolls slowly over so she can leave. Derek kisses her forehead before he lets her go.

"Love you."

She surprises Derek by leaning forward and kissing his cheek.

"Love you, too," she whispers back and then bounds out of the room, closing the door most of the way behind her.

Stiles is still asleep when Derek rolls back over and he's grateful he's finally relaxed. But for as much as he wants Stiles to rest, he knows he'll have to wake him up within an hour so he can sleep through the night. For now, he's happy to just lay with his love and let himself relax from the rush of adrenaline Stiles' text had given him earlier.

He hadn't known what to expect but finding him wide eyed and tearful was about the best of all the alternatives he'd come up with on the frantic drive home. Derek knows it's all a part of who Stiles is; that he's lost so many people in his life and deals with so much grief, it's bound to come to the surface every now and again.

Derek told himself a long time ago that the privilege of being around on the good days comes with the responsibility of being around on the bad ones too. Feelings of panic and uncertainty aside, Derek doesn't find the bad days a burden. It's just another way he can see the difference he makes in Stiles' life.

And besides, he wouldn't want anyone but him to be close enough with Stiles to give him that comfort and reassurance. Call it jealousy or call it protectiveness, Derek doesn't care. He loves Stiles for the bad days as much as the good.

Days like this just continue to prove that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS I WROTE FOR THIS EXTENSION OF THIS AU AND IT'S BEEN HURTING MY HEART EVER SINCE. 
> 
> so come yell at me, scream, tell me it hurt your heart too because I don't want to suffer through this alone anymore guys


	8. I hate it when you're not around and the fact that you didn't call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Derek misses his husband.

 

[November 2016]

 

Stiles finds an open spot in the corner of the waiting area for his gate. He is on the last leg of his journey home from his latest teaching session. And he’s exhausted. Thinking about the last month, thinking about moving forward from these new experiences, thinking about all the work to be done at home when he gets there, all makes it worse.

He had promised himself and Derek that he would never agree to active duty again; but when his CO asked if he’d be willing to train on the ground in Iraq, Stiles had immediately considered it. He’d talked it over with Derek and both sets of their parents before giving a final decision. But ultimately he knew they wouldn’t have asked if they didn’t think he was the right person for the job.

Not only was this session overseas but instead of his usual week long commitment, Stiles had to agree to being there for at least 3 weeks, with the possibility that it could go longer. The Army being what it is, Stiles has been away from home now for a full month. A month and two days to be exact.

At first it wasn’t so bad. He had the work to keep him occupied and they were never even near to the front lines or any fighting. He spent time with the bomb sniffing dogs that were in the camp since bringing Sadie wasn’t an option. And of course, he got letters and skype calls at night from Derek and the kids.

In the beginning everything was fine. It wasn’t too hot; the desert around him differing just enough to keep him from remembering his time in Afghanistan. Every few days he’d skype call home and talk to whoever answered the call or was around the computer. And almost every other day he’d receive a letter from someone, be it his kids, Derek, his dad, or Allison.

Initially it was great. His teaching was going well, the students receptive and respectful. But after a week and a half it started being…not as great.

The dogs left camp for one closer to the fighting. Some of the troops on base were rotated out, bringing in men and women fresh from the front lines. Their weary, tanned, stressed out expressions facing him every day in the mess hall and walking around the camp threw Stiles right back to what his life was like when he was still enlisted full time.

It makes him ache for the safety of his home; for the comforting arms of his husband. For the sounds of his kids running through the house laughing with one another instead of having to listen to the dust hit the canvas tents in the wind. Seeing them through the computer screen and reading their childish scrawl in letters only made the pain sharper. Instead of easing the suffocating feeling in his chest, seeing them and talking with Derek just started to make his homesickness worse, make him miss them all more severely.

Pretty soon what had been the bright spots in his days were nearly the worst. Having to fake being okay, plastering on a smile and assuring Derek that he wasn’t falling back into any PTSD episodes became the biggest struggle. The men and woman he was teaching all understood; they were right there with him. And then when his stay got extended he nearly had a panic attack at the thought of not being able to go home.

But now he’s just one flight away and he can’t stop thinking about all the lies he spun to Derek while he was gone. Promises that it wasn’t affecting him, that Derek didn’t need to worry and that he was having a nice time in the desert. He’s almost 100% sure Derek knew he was lying but it still doesn’t make him feel very great that he’s spent at least the last two weeks lying his ass off to his husband.

Derek’s letters from the last month are on top of his pack and his only reading material he wants to give his attention to right now. Not only because he knows his husband is intelligent and could probably see right through Stiles’ façade of being okay, but because around the time things started getting unbearable, Stiles started getting poems tucked into his letters. He pulls out the envelope the poems and letters are all stuffed into and flips through them until he finds some of his favorites.

_Today the sun was shining,_  
_warm and strong and bright._  
_We played beneath its light,_  
_Growing hungry, tan and tired._

_Crawling beneath crisp sheets,_  
_the feeling of the sun’s touch lingers._  
_My skin toasty from its fingers_  
_my ears and nose stained pink._

_The warmth I had in our bed_  
_Was not the kind I wished for._  
_The touch I wanted more_  
_Is the press of your skin._

_For your absence has proved_  
_that in my life your are the light;_  
_more strong and warm and bright_  
_than any star could hope to be._

Stiles folds the paper on its well-worn creases and puts it back in the envelope. He wasn’t surprised that Derek could write poetry, he had an English minor in college after all. But his tenderness in his words never fails to fill Stiles with warmth when he needs it. He hadn’t anticipated missing his family so acutely; he hadn’t prepared to be as thrown off in his emotional stability as he was over the last two weeks abroad.

It’s another hour before his flight to California will be boarding so Stiles settles into his seat to read Derek’s letters and poems. It settles the last of his nerves and gives him a chance to rest comfortably before the last flight across the country. Instead of bone deep exhaustion slowing his steps, Stiles’ excitement to get back to Derek, and his kids but mostly his husband right now, is what propels him from his seat at the gate to his place on the plane that’s taking him home.

 

***

 

It’s been 33 days since Stiles left home.

33 days of Derek dealing with his own 4 kids by himself on top of his classroom for hours on end each day. Normally work isn’t work for Derek. He loves being a teacher, loves working with his kids and teaching them new things as well as how to be somewhat polite little humans. He loves suiting up, getting his own kids ready for school and then spending his day working on letters and numbers and coloring, there’s always coloring.

But since Stiles has been gone, work has ever increasingly become a burden. And he’s tired. He’s tired of the routine of doing everything himself. He’s tired of failing to keep his house clean. He’s tired of sleeping alone; having Sadie at the foot of the bed just isn’t the same as having his husband in his arms.

He made it about a week and a half before he started to notice that his routine had begun to lose its luster.

Make breakfast.  
Pour a cup of coffee.  
Make sure the kids have everything for school and Oskar’s bag is packed with fresh clothes and food.  
Drop Oskar off at his mom’s.

Send the kids to class.  
Teach his class.  
Do paperwork until 4:30.

Pick up Oskar.  
Do breakfast dishes while supper cooks.  
Feed the kids.  
Do the dishes again.  
Make sure the kids’ homework is done.

Pack the next day’s lunches.  
Put the kids to bed.

Collapse in bed alone.  
And repeat.

Ad nauseam.

He tried to carry on as usual, throwing in writing letters and skype calling Stiles just for something to break up the monotony. But that soon became a chore too. Because he had to start hiding how miserable he really was without his husband. He couldn’t make things worse for Stiles by letting him know how much he misses him.

So it’s been 33 days of this nonsense and Derek is just _done_ with it all. He’s lying in his bed, listening to his first alarm ring even though he’s been awake for a solid 20 minutes already; he woke early despite sleep eluding him all night. He crawls out of bed to start the routine.

_Make breakfast._

He gets downstairs, slacks wrinkled and his shirt still untucked. He doesn’t have a tie, just a sweater; his favorite, softest sweater that he owns. He doesn’t even care that it’s ugly as shit. It’s brown and mottled and he got it second hand but it’s the smoothest cashmere and it smells like Stiles’ aftershave. So he’s wearing it. Oskar is still sleepy as he leans his head against Derek’s chest from where he’s strapped into the Baby Bjorn, a cloth protecting Derek’s sweater from baby drool; it’s quite efficient for Derek’s morning responsibilities.

He goes to the pantry, opens the door and if his life were a cartoon, moths would have flown out. There is one box of cereal left and it’s the Lucky Charms Derek hates feeding his kids. He doesn’t like starting their day with sugary cereal.

Still, he pulls it from the shelf and goes to the fridge. The lunches he packed the night before with the last of the sandwich meat are lined up neatly where he left them. But besides that, there’s not much else there as well.

The jug of milk is half gone, there’s one apple in the drawer, an expired yogurt in the door and a Tupperware of spaghetti from two weeks ago that really needs to be thrown out. There are no eggs, no sausage or bacon, or juice. Derek sighs and resigns himself to giving his kids a sugar filled first meal of the day.

He’s got three bowls laid out with the box of cereal and the jug of milk for the older three kids by the time they make it to the kitchen dressed for the day. The kitchen is quiet, everyone either still sleepy or feeling Stiles’ absence like a physical weight. Emily has been dull and quiet for over a week, Ben more reserved than he normally is. Derek sighs in the silence and goes to the Keurig to make himself a mug of coffee for the morning after he finishes feeding Oskar.

The kids run upstairs to grab their backpacks as Derek puts together Oskar’s bag for his day at Talia’s house. He passes out lunches when the kids get back and then they’re making their way to the car. It’s easier now that Ben and Emily are a bit older and can help him with Lizzy, so his biggest challenge is getting Oskar buckled in and making sure he has everything. He checks the kids have their backpacks, checks their lunches again, checks Oskar’s bag and then pats himself down. Keys in his hand, wallet in his pocket, work bag on the front seat from last night, unopened and untouched.

“Coffee,” Emily says tiredly and Derek tries to smile gratefully back at her. He doesn’t know how well he accomplishes it.

But he nods and walks quickly back into the house.

_Pour a cup of coffee._

Derek gets back to the kitchen and grabs the only clean mug left. Checks that the lid fits correctly and dumps the coffee in quickly before switching off the coffee machine. He twists the lid in place as he walks back towards the garage, more focused on lining up the threads than he is with where he’s walking. As he walks across the threshold his foot catches on the mat outside the door, jerking Derek forward and sloshing his coffee.

The good thing: he doesn’t get any coffee on him.

The bad thing: 80% of his coffee sloshed out of the cup onto the garage floor.

“Dad! We’re going to be late!” Emily yells from the car and Derek checks his watch. It’s five minutes past when they should have left for his mom’s. Shit.

_Drop Oskar off at his mom’s._

He speeds all the way to his mom’s, not even bothering to slow down when he passes by a spot he knows an officer sits at every morning to catch speeders. If they don’t recognize his vehicle by now Derek will be highly unimpressed with the officer. He thinks most of the deputies know him by now, and if they see him racing around at this time of the morning know he’s trying to get to school.

The cop is indeed sitting in his spot, but instead of turning on his lights or pulling out to stop Derek, he simply waves him on and Derek can breathe a sigh of relief. Something has gone right today.

But they make it there and his mom is waiting in the driveway, looking at her watch. She doesn’t even smile at Derek, looking tired herself as she goes right to the back door and pulls Oskar and his whole seat out of the car.

“Love you, kid,” she says when Derek rolls his window down. She presses a kiss to his cheek and then she does give him a tired smile. “Make today a good day,” she encourages and Derek nods.

“Gonna try,” he says wearily and smiles weakly back at her. “Love you too, mom.”

She pats the car window and then waves them goodbye as Derek pulls out of the drive and goes off towards the school.

_Send the kids to class._

Normally, Derek is early and the kids have to go wait in the gym for their teachers to come collect them. But this morning they’re as late as Derek can be getting to work and instead of getting to walk the three of them down there like normal, he realizes he has to get himself to his classroom and let them walk themselves through the halls.

“Ben, Emily, can you please hold Lizzy’s hands as you walk to the gym?” he asks as he unbuckles her from her seat, watching as her face falls into a pout.

“I want you to walk me to class, daddy,” she says sadly, tears welling up in her eyes.

Derek pulls her to him and lets her rest on his hip as he hugs her tight, her tears spilling over as she clings to him.

“Sweetie I have to get to my classroom, we’re running late this morning,” he explains, rubbing at her back even as he locks the car and starts walking into the school, Emily and Ben on his heels, sticking close in the parking lot.

She sniffles into his shoulder and whispers something quietly enough that Derek can’t hear her over the sound of the commotion in the halls as they enter the school.

“What did you say, Lizzy?” he asks gently, moving to put her down.

But she won’t let go. She just clings tighter and moves her head so she can whisper in his ear.

“Don’t leave too. I don’t want you to leave me, too,” she says tearfully and Derek’s heart breaks.

He wants to sink through the floor and just cease to exist for a minute because this amount of pain should not be endurable. He switches gears in an instant, trying to ignore the way is stomach is in his toes and his heart is in a thousand tiny little pieces. He squeezes her to him tightly, standing back up and walking towards the gym, sniffling a little until Emily looks up at him concerned.

“I won’t leave you, sweetie. I promise. And daddy Stiles hasn’t left us, he’s just away working,” he tries to console her, worried the words fall as flat on her ears as they do on his aching heart. He really wants his husband home again. She nods though and seems to calm down slightly.

“I miss him,” she says tearfully still though and Derek nods before pressing a kiss to her hair.

“I know, sweetheart,” he says quietly. “We all do. But he’ll be home soon and then we’re going to spend the whole day in our big bed watching movies together and eating snacks. How does that sound?”

He watches the way her mind rolls that around, pulling herself together and gearing up to wait for just such a time that both her parents are home again and they can all be happy.

“Sounds good,” she says as they walk into the gym and Derek leans down to set her down again, this time with more success as she allows herself to be put on the ground. “I love you daddy,” she says as she hugs him tight around his neck and he has to swallow his emotions back as Emily and Ben line up to do the same before they run off towards their classmates. It takes him a solid minute standing there watching his kids before he gets himself to turn around and quickly stride back to his classroom.

He is not looking forward to what else this day could throw back at him. He doesn’t know how much more he can take after having his heart smashed to smithereens by his 6 year old daughter begging him not to leave her. But, he thinks as he pushes into his classroom, nearly running to his desk to get set up for the day, if Stiles can face his worst days with bravery so can Derek.

_Teach his class._

8:30am

Obviously, as a man in his early thirties, Derek understands the principle of the domino effect. However, he has never witnessed it happen to living breathing human beings. Despite his later than usual start, he managed to get everything prepared for his day with his class and is standing inside the door for his kids to come in from the gym.

He pastes an attempt at a smile on his face as he sees the first of his students start to enter the room. They’re all walking single file, quiet but fidgety as they follow Colton, the week’s line leader. Just as Colton gets in the room, he trips on the edge of the rug, where the first and the second ones connect. But Jess, who was behind him, had been talking to Joey behind her and didn’t see Colton fall so she kept moving and then instead of one scuffed knee Derek watches helplessly as almost half his class falls over.

It goes quiet in the room as all the kids on the floor start to glare at Colton. Derek jumps into action striding to the door to usher in the rest of his students before he closes it. Turning to find those who had fallen still trying to untangle themselves from one another, Derek realizes what he’s going to have to do.

“Chaos!” he cries out, raising a fist as he does and laughter and giggles ring out through the room.

When his students get too agitated or if everyone has a job to do in cleaning up the room at the end of the day, Derek will give the signal for chaos and that is what rains down in his classroom. It lets the kids run through the classroom, or at least move around quickly and do something physically instead of sitting in their chairs trying (and failing) to be still. He’s never had to do it before the morning bell rings though.

It breaks the mood that had threatened to settle in over his class and the kids rush around to their cubbies to stow away their bags and sweaters. It gives Derek hope that maybe today is just having a rough start. Like, potholes in the spring rough, but still, there could be improvement as the day goes on.

1:00pm

Derek doesn’t know why he had hope for the day to get better.

Thus far he has had one kid bite another, had three, _three,_ kids pick on Colton and tease him throughout the day for falling as they came into the classroom, and now he has to go out to the recess playground to deal with yet another situation. Recess time is almost over so he’ll just be bringing the whole class back with him after he deals with whichever kid decided to add to the shit-storm that has been Derek’s day.

As he walks down the hallway he thinks again of his husband’s strength in pushing through. It’d be easier to draw strength from his husband if he was on the same continent, Derek thinks, ruining any benefits of the previous thought. He pushes the doors open into the bright sunshine and feels his brows furrow and his frown deepen as he sees Colton sitting on the edge of the playground with a supervisor trying to comfort him as he cries. Meanwhile, Layne is standing on her other side, arms crossed and pouting.

“What happened,” Derek asks, voice coming out more harshly than he intended which garners Layne’s attention, the pout fading as he stares uncertainly up at Derek.

“Layne, would you like to tell Mr. Hale what you did or should I?” the supervisor, Miss. Anders, asks pointedly.

Derek is unsurprised when Layne ducks his head and scuffs his toe in the dirt.

“I pushed him,” Layne mumbles.

“I think if I had to be called out to the playground, Layne, you probably did more than push him,” Derek says firmly, face still downturned in disapproval.

Layne heaves a sigh and continues.

“I pushed his face into the rocks and then sat on his back so he couldn’t get up,” the boy admits reluctantly, blush staining his cheeks and ears making Derek think some reprimands already occurred for him to be embarrassed by his actions so quickly.

Which means Derek is really there to comfort Colton.

He turns to the other boy, who Derek knows is afraid of small spaces after an incident with the cleaning supplies closet. Having someone keep him still and his face pressed into rocks was probably significantly terrifying for him. He sees the tears have stopped but Colton is still hiccupping and sniffling every few seconds in the aftermath. Derek turns back to look at Layne and points a finger at him.

“We’ll get back to how wrong that was in a moment,” he says to Layne even as he’s sitting down on the other side of Colton, wrapping an arm around his still shuddering shoulders.

“Hey buddy,” he says quietly, tone and demeanor completely different from his attitude towards Layne. “You were pretty scared, huh?” he asks and gets a nod in reply. “Would a hug help you feel better?” Derek asks because he’s not sure a simple pat on the back is going to cut it this time. But Colton nods again and Derek doesn’t hesitate to put his arms around the little boy when he wraps his arms around Derek’s neck tightly.

After he pulls back Colton swipes a hand across his nose and Derek holds back his cringe because the boy looks up at him seriously.

“Did it make you feel better too?” he asks and Derek tilts his head in confusion.

“What do you mean, Colton? That hug was for you,” he says bewilderment coming through his tone.

“You’re having a bad day,” Layne pipes up and Derek turns his head to look over at his other student, “You had to send someone to the corner already twice today and we had chaos right away in the morning.”

Tears prickle at Derek’s eyes for a number of reasons. He _is_ having a bad day but the fact that he hasn’t been able to hide it from either his own children or his students has him feeling like a failure of epic proportions. He clears his throat and is saved by the whistle blowing to signify the end of recess.

“Let’s go inside boys,” he says as he stands and reaches a hand down to hold Colton’s as they walk in the school.

Layne follows sedately behind and Derek takes the boys in to the school while the rest of the recess group lines up outside the doors. From the way Layne is walking with his head down behind Derek and Colton walking together most of the kids know that one of them is in trouble. Kids are far more astute at times like this than most adults give them credit for.

Sometimes at least.

As they make it back to the classroom Derek quietly instructs Colton to sit at his desk before taking Layne to the corner. It’s a bland corner of the classroom, no posters, nothing to look at or reach out and play with. It’s where the bright red timeout chair sits. This is the third time he’s taken one of his students to the corner today and it’s all only adding to the frustration his day has become.

Layne goes quietly though, seemingly understanding he shouldn’t make a fuss. He sits down timidly on the red chair and sits on his hands. Derek lets himself sit all the way down on the floor instead of just crouching down like he normally would.

“Now,” Derek starts, unsurprised that Layne won’t look at him and keeps his head bowed, “Do you know why you’re in the timeout chair?”

The boy nods and mumbles into his chest, “I pushed Colton down and wouldn’t let him up.”

“You know Colton doesn’t like small spaces, right?” Layne nods without looking up. “Okay, then you have a full minute in the corner here and then I want you to apologize to Colton and then find your desk.”

“Yes, Mr. Hale,” Layne says quietly as he nods again and Derek pats his knee before he stands and starts the timer for one minute.

Layne stays in the corner on the chair while Derek walks over to Colton to see how he’s doing, grabbing the Kleenex box on his way. The boy’s breathing seems to have evened out, hiccups fading as he calmed himself down. But his face is still a mess of tears and snot from his runny nose so Derek crouches down next to his desk and gives him a little smile.

“Hanging in there, bud?”

“Yes, Mr. Hale,” Colton says quietly, “I feel better now.”

“Good, I’m glad,” Derek responds, “Let’s get you cleaned up a little here, huh?”

Colton nods and lets Derek wipe at the mess on his face and once Derek finishes, jumps out of his chair to wash his face and hands in the sink in the bathroom at the back of the classroom. Derek goes to his desk, taking advantage of the last minute or two before his class returns from outside to check his email. Once he hits refresh several things all happen at once.

The timer goes off for Layne’s timeout and Colton walks out of the bathroom. Layne hits the stop button and darts over to catch Colton in a hug before he can make it back to his desk. Derek hears him whisper an apology at the same time his computer chimes the arrival of new emails. He has a split second to glace at the screen and get his hopes up when he sees one from Stiles.

He clicks on the email to open it as he hears the small horde of students making their way up the hallway towards the classrooms. He has another thirty seconds to read it and he debates if he wants to wait or read it now quickly. The decision is made for him when he looks back at his computer and sees it’s only one line.

“I’ll be home soon I think. I love you.”

His students come bursting in the classroom door, loud and noisy, rambunctious from their time outside. They all come in and scatter throughout the classroom, hanging up sweaters, finding their water bottle or sitting down in their seats. Derek gives himself just a second to breathe before he tries to start gearing up for the rest of his day. He drops his head into his hand with his elbow resting on the desk. The din in the room quiets and Derek looks up when he feels a little finger poking his knee repeatedly.

“Mr. Hale,” Alice asks timidly in front of him, “Is everything okay?”

Derek sees the concern on her little face and looks up to see the rest of the class wearing similar looks as they sit patiently in their desks. Normally Derek doesn’t share things about his life with his students; he’s normally more in control of what he tells them about his personal issues. But right now, he knows he’s already shown in his actions all day that he’s struggling, might as well explain it to them.

“Um, how about we go to the reading circle and we can talk,” he suggests and she nods in agreement.

The rest of the class gets up from their seats at their desks and make their way to the reading circle, grabbing pillows to sit on and Derek makes his way over, a little surprised when Alice reaches up to hold his hand as they walk. They all get settled, Alice sitting right next to him on the floor and Derek decides even if he’s failed in shielding his personal life from his students, maybe he can turn this into a teaching moment anyway.

“Okay, so today has been a little weird, right?” he starts, and is happy there are a few confused faces despite the abundance of agreeing nods. “Well sometimes people have days where things go wrong and they get sad. Do your parents ever have bad days and get mad or say things they later take back?”

They all nod at that and Derek already feels a bit steadier in himself.

“Well, I’ve been having a bad day today, and it has been nothing to do with you, okay?” he says firmly, making eye contact with his students until they nod back at him, Jake raising his hand and Derek points to him, allowing him to ask his question.

“Except when I bit, Ian, right?” he asks genuinely and Derek huffs a little laugh.

“Yeah, that didn’t help Jake,” Derek says and the kids giggle. “You all remember Mr. Stiles right?”

Alice pipes up from right next to him, using both of her little hands to hold his bigger one.

“Your husband Mr. Stiles?”

Derek’s lips quirk up in a reflexive smile, “Yeah, my husband, Mr. Stiles. Well he’s been away, for a long time now, working on the other side of the world and I don’t know when he’s coming home. I miss him,” he says honestly and shrugs. “I miss having his help with our kids and having him give me hugs and hold my hand like this,” he explains further, squeezing his hand around Alice’s with a smile.

But before he can try to get further into his teaching moment Alice surges up and wraps her little arms around his neck. He’s about to ask what she’s doing but then the rest of his students are up off their floor cushions and join in making it a group hug.

“We give hugs to people in class when they need them to feel better,” Layne quotes from the classroom rules and Derek’s breath hitches.

His class doesn’t pull back right away like Derek expects them to, only stays there in the group hug for long enough that Anna has time to wiggle her way to sitting on his lap and start petting at his beard gently. He feels tears prickling his eyes again and he has to sniff hard to keep them from falling as his students move back to their pillows. All except Alice who is still holding his hand, Colton who is holding his other one now and Anna who is still petting his beard.

“Thanks guys,” he says weakly, “How about we move up quiet reading time to right now instead of after math?”

Normally it takes a lesson or two after recess for the kids to be calm enough for reading time but everybody, except Alice and Anna get up quietly from their pillows to pick out a book for him to read aloud. Anna doesn’t stop petting his beard until halfway through the story Derek picked to read.

The rest of the day goes a bit more smoothly, his kids doing their level best to be on their best behavior to keep him happy. He manages a moment to make a call to his mom while his students are busy with their last handout worksheet for the day. It only rings twice before she answers.

“Shouldn’t you be teaching right now?” she asks without greeting, sounding far more chipper than she was this morning dropping off Oskar and Derek squints in suspicion.

“You napped with Oskar today, didn’t you?” he says quietly and she laughs brightly.

“Maybe,” is her only answer, “What did you need, honey?”

“How would you feel about having your grandkids over for a sleepover?”

“Well, you’re in luck. Oskar and I just got done buying groceries to do just that. I still have 10 minutes to get there for afterschool pick-up though, right?”

Derek slumps in relief; of course she’d beat him to the punch on this.

“Yeah, you’ve got time. I’ll keep the three of them in my classroom like normal and let you make it a surprise.”

He thanks her and hangs up quickly, with renewed energy to just finish the work day and get a chance for some alone time to pull himself together when he gets home. He’s almost actually excited at just the prospect of his routine being broken. He doesn’t even plan to stay and do all of his paperwork until 4:30 like he’s supposed to.

_~~Do paperwork until 4:30.~~ _

_~~Pick up Oskar.~~ _

Walking in the door to his house alone, Derek wants nothing more than to walk up to his bed and collapse. And he is going to do just that he tells himself firmly. He isn’t going to stop in the living room or the kitchen to fully take in the damage he and the kids have wrought on the house. He isn’t going to do it he’s just going to walk right up to his bed and lay down, no matter what.

He makes it down the hallway and stops against all his willpower to keep moving towards his bedroom.

The house is a disaster.

Toys and shoes are scattered everywhere, down the hall, in the living room, in the entry space. There are dishes everywhere too, even in the living room from his midnight snacks the past few nights when he has ended up unable to sleep. The breakfast dishes from this morning are still on the table, milk drops around the bowls. The stove has the pans Derek used last night to make tomato soup (from a can) and grilled cheese (using the last of the cheese and the almost too dry slices of bread). The plates and bowls from that meal are still sitting in the sink; melted cheese and crusted soup residue covering all of them.

Derek dumps his school bag on the kitchen table, avoiding the milk splatter and crosses to the fridge. He checks the freezer, already knowing the fridge is empty as empty can be. There’s an expired package of ready-made lasagna and some ice. There’s not even a tub of ice cream. Derek closes the door to the freezer and rests his forehead against it.

How could they be out of ice cream?

Instead of questioning his ability to keep food in his own house he pulls out his phone. In the time since he called his mom and now he missed a skype call. From Stiles. He grips his phone tightly, resisting the urge to throw it against the wall. Stiles probably knows by now when he’s coming home or if he’s been delayed again. He probably would have been able to talk if he was skype calling Derek.

Derek takes a deep breath though and swipes across the screen, then waits for the call to start. He doesn’t have much hope of Stiles answering though and it’s unsurprising, yet another weight on Derek’s shoulders when the call ends, unanswered.

He abandons the kitchen and makes his way wearily up to the bedroom. He just wants some comfortable pants and maybe a shirt that smells like Stiles. But he gets up to his room and remembers that he hasn’t done laundry in over two weeks; he hasn’t had time. So there are no clean clothes to be worn and so he just throws himself down on the bed, laying diagonally across it starfished out. Even his sheets smell, also overdue for a run through the wash. But they don’t even smell like him and Stiles anymore; the bedding only smells like him alone.

A few moments of self-pity later Derek shakes himself. He’s wasting time; he should be taking advantage of this time free of all four kids to get something accomplished.

Derek throws himself off the bed, feeling angry. Angry with himself for being so moody all day long, angry that he missed Stiles’ call, he’s angry that he’s let himself be so affected by his frustrations. But instead of letting the anger make him tired and more weary he uses it, forces himself up off the bed and starts storming around.

He strips out of the smelly, dirty clothes leaving himself in his boxer briefs and goes into the closet for the laundry basket. He starts moving around the room, roughly shoving all his laundry in the basket, only stopping when his floor is clear in both the bedroom and his closet.

Then he moves to the bed; he peels off the blanket and comforter, throwing them to the floor before he starts stripping the sheets from the mattress. He pulls off all the pillow cases and shoves all of the bed linens in the top of his already overflowing laundry hamper. He stacks the pillows neatly at the end of the bed and then moves to fold up the blanket and comforter, giving care to stack them next to the pillows just as precisely.

He makes his way down the stairs, mentally planning out how he’s going to attack his to do list for the evening. He comes back to himself when he gets to the laundry room and slows down a little to sort through his laundry, separating work clothes from the rest, trying to use the baskets Stiles does to keep everything organized. Once his basket is empty and he has a load of his sweatpants, shorts and t-shirts running, he goes back upstairs and collects laundry and sheets from the kids’ rooms. He finds himself grateful for the depth of all of their closets that no one has run out of clothes to wear to school yet.

After the laundry is all collected and sorted, Derek shifts gears to dishes. He collects dishes from the bedrooms, and the living room, bringing everything back to the kitchen and piled high next to and filling the sink. Then he goes back to the entry and living room to tidy. He’s not going to get into actually cleaning but he is going to get everything in its proper place, already feeling the activities starting to calm his thoughts and un-fuck his brain.

Before he returns to the mountain of dishes he goes to the sound system in the living room and turns on the local pop station they never play in the house because of the songs and their content. As he turns up the volume and lets the music wash over him as he goes to the kitchen to start the dishes. The dishwasher is empty so he loads it with dirty dishes on autopilot, switching to washing things by hand as soon as it’s full without thought.

With the dishwasher running, and the rest drying on the counter Derek shifts over to the fridge, pulling out the last of the food that’s expired and needs to be thrown from the fridge and the freezer, dumping it all in the garbage before wrapping it up. The washer beeps that the cycle is over so he goes to switch the laundry to the dryer and start another load before collecting the garbages from throughout the house.

As he takes the trash can out to the curb to be picked up, he’s glad they live in such a forested area. He’s still just wearing his underwear around, since literally all his clothes are in the wash. The fence and the forest just mean no one is able to see him in that state of undress; Stiles is the only one whose peepers get to see him like that.

With all the activity he’s able to just stop thinking for a little while. With his phone tucked into the elastic band of his underwear he feels when it vibrates with texts from his mom assuring him the kids are doing fine, a little sad to be spending movie night without their dad but having fun with grandma and grandpa nonetheless. Eventually he gets to his office after taking out all the trash and cleaning all three bathrooms and picking up the kids’ rooms.

He tidies in there as well, straightening papers and files some away. Then he grabs a pen and paper and starts making a list. He needs so much food and stuff for the house he might as well plan a trip to Sam’s Club to stock up on everything. As he comes up with his lists he remembers all the little things Stiles usually gets that confuse Derek, only now that they’re out of them he understands why Stiles always got them. Things like light bulbs and to go coffee cups for mornings like this one where they’re out of clean mugs.

After he has his list, which is fairly exhaustive, completed for the next day, Derek goes to check on the laundry once again. He takes his warm sweats and shirts from the dryer, changes the loads over to start another one and then carries the clean laundry up to his room. Once it’s all folded and put away he pulls his phone out and orders himself a pizza. He deserves it at this point. After rattling off his credit card information he throws his phone on his still unmade bed and jumps in the shower.

_~~Do breakfast dishes while supper cooks.~~ _

_~~Feed the kids.~~ _

_~~Do the dishes again.~~ _

Derek gets himself clean and in in fresh clothes that are still warm from the dryer with time to spare before his supper arrives. He goes into the living room and turns down the music that had still been blasting through the first floor of the house. Sadie, who has been following Derek through his whole crusade to clean the house, resumes her position at his side from where she’d curled up on her bed while he showered.

He finishes putting away the dishes and switches the laundry yet again before the doorbell rings and his pizza is finally there. He must look as desperate for the meal as he feels because the guy hands it over with a barely restrained laugh.

“Here ya go,” the delivery boy says and Derek nods.

“Thanks. The things you get excited for as a parent: a pizza to yourself,” Derek jokes and the boy does laugh.

“Enjoy,” he says walking away with Derek’s money in his hand and Derek waves before he closes the door and goes straight to his bedroom, Sadie on his heels.

He gets settled on his unmade bed, towel thrown down to keep the grease contained and opens the box to his still steaming cheesy, meaty, delicious meal. He basically inhales the first piece, tossing the fallen bits of meat to Sadie as she waits patiently for something to fall for her to clean up.

After that he slows down, and Sadie walks away, probably to go eat her own food when Derek stops feeding her bits of his pizza. Derek is reaching for the iPad, about to pull up Netflix when he hears Sadie coming back up the stairs quickly. He frowns and settles the iPad back on the bed, setting his pizza to the side as he meets her at the door when she barks.

She has something on her collar that wasn’t there when she left less than a minute ago and Derek is beyond confused. He kneels down and reaches for her, confusion turning to surprise when he sees what’s been attached to her collar.

It’s a hat.

Specifically it’s _Stiles’_ hat, Stiles’ _cover_.

Oh god.

Derek runs out of the room, Sadie barking and running after him happily as he all but throws himself down the stairs. Stiles is home, Stiles is home, Stiles is home, runs through Derek’s mind as he spends the least amount of energy ensuring he gets to the bottom of the stairs in one piece and the most of it getting to his husband as quickly as possible. As he hits bottom step he finally cries out, ignoring the crushing disappointment he’s going to feel if Stiles isn’t actually home.

“Stiles!”

“In here, babe,” Stiles voice calls out from the kitchen and Derek sprints in there, seeing Stiles standing there at the sink, water glass in hand, dressed in fatigues and looking fatigued from no doubt a day full of flights and layovers.

Derek doesn’t stop, can’t stop moving and Stiles anticipates Derek by putting his glass on the counter and opening his arms. Still he doesn’t slow down and ends up practically tackling Stiles when he wraps his arms around his husband in a fierce hug.

“You’re here,” he says hoarsely, and Stiles’ arms come up to hold Derek tightly but then they lose their balance as Stiles shifts his weight and Derek feels them going down. He braces himself for the impact of the floor but it never comes. Stiles pulls some sort of move and flips them over so Stiles bears the brunt of the fall and Derek can land on top of him.

“Good to know my close quarter training still works,” Stiles jokes tiredly and Derek bursts into tears.

It surprises him; he wasn’t really expecting to cry at Stiles’ good natured joke but it happens all the same. Stiles rolls with it, letting Derek bury his face in Stiles’ neck as the tears don’t stop, running his fingers through Derek’s still damp hair comfortingly.

“My jokes aren’t that bad are they,” Stiles says quietly after a few moments and Derek shakes his head, still pressing Stiles into the floor, still keeping his face hidden as he cries. It’s amazing how much better he feels already. 80% of it is probably because of Stiles being right there in his arms but the other 20% is because _Stiles is right there in his arms._

The last few hours of cleaning had calmed his thoughts yes, but they’d done nothing to ease the ache of the hole in his chest at his husband’s month long absence. Had done nothing to console him of missing Stiles’ arms around him at night, the smell of him in their bed, his cooking and hugs and kisses and all the work he does for their family and he just missed his husband goddammit.

“I missed you, Stiles,” Derek sobs, “I missed you so much. I couldn’t tell you how miserable I’ve been because I didn’t know how long you’d be stuck over there and I didn’t want to make things worse because you had to be struggling too even though you tried to play it off like everything was fine and I just missed you. I missed you in our bed, I missed you playing with the kids, I missed you leaving your towel on the floor of the bathroom to get soggy and musty,” he rambles until Stiles brings his hands to Derek’s face and pulls him back so they can look at each other.

“The kids missed you and Sadie missed you and I don’t know how I’m ever going to do this again if they want you overseas for another session because the not knowing when you were coming home about killed me. I had to send three, _three,_ kids to the timeout corner today. I got a group hug from my students because my misery had spilled over into how I was acting in my classroom today. I got my beard petted Stiles, Anna pet my beard for a solid ten minutes to make me feel better,” Derek spills out before Stiles cuts him off with a kiss.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers between light kisses, “I’m sorry, Der, I’m so sorry, love.”

He lets go of Derek’s face once the kisses cease and Derek collapses more fully on top of Stiles, unwilling to move and risk Stiles leaving his general vicinity any time soon. And Stiles gives him that, laying there on the kitchen floor, boots still laced up, Derek on top of him and Sadie laying across their feet. Derek doesn’t know how long it takes for him to pull himself together but eventually Stiles tugs on his hair until Derek looks up at him.

“Can we shift this cuddle fest to our bed, please? My butt is killing me,” he says lightly and Derek nods, standing and pulling Stiles with him as he does, reluctant to let Stiles get too far away from him. Once they’re standing Derek pulls him into a hug again.

Stiles holds on tightly, running his hands up and down Derek’s back until his breathing is steadier than before.

“Come on babe, let’s go upstairs,” he tries and Derek shakes his head.

“’m not letting go,” he mumbles into Stiles’ neck and Stiles laughs at his petulance.

“Fine, jump up then and I’ll carry you,” Stiles says seriously and Derek does pull back at that.

“You can’t carry me up the stairs,” he says disbelievingly and Stiles gets a mischievous look on his face.

“What’s my prize if I prove you wrong?”

Derek wants to say ‘a blow job’ or ‘I’ll make coffee in the morning’ but he’s feeling a little emotionally fragile still to suggest the first and they’re out of coffee _to_ make so he can’t suggest the second.

“I’ll stop crying and we can eat pizza?” Derek offers and Stiles’ face softens before he leans in to give Derek another quick kiss and wipe away some of the tear tracks on his face.

“Deal,” Stiles agrees gently before he moves his hands from Derek’s face to his ass and says, “Jump.”

Derek jumps and wraps his legs around Stiles waist, his arms around Stiles neck and tucking his head towards Stiles’ shoulder. He isn’t expecting Stiles to make it more than to the foot of the staircase but then they’re easily going up the stairs and Derek resists the urge to wiggle out of Stiles’ hold so he doesn’t over exert himself. They make it up the stairs and Stiles doesn’t stop, just keeps walking into the bedroom and dumps Derek on the unmade bed, avoiding the pillow stacks and the pizza box.

“Eating supper in bed?” Stiles asks with a gentle smile, still standing but leaning over Derek and trailing those long fingers tenderly through Derek’s hair. “Avoiding the kids? Are the kids even here,” he asks, looking around as if just noticing the usual sounds of their children in the house are missing.

“How did you just do that? I have definitely not lost any weight and you carried me up those stairs like it was nothing?” Derek asks instead, still a little in disbelief that that just happened.

Stiles shrugs and smirks, “When you’re in a desert with lots of downtime you mostly workout to pass time. Especially when you’re miserable and homesick and don’t want to spread it around to the rest of the camp,” he explains and Derek looks up at him in awe.

“Seriously?”

Stiles nods, “Seriously, I have new muscles for you to explore, most of them in my thighs, and my abs,” he says, leering suggestively but Derek shakes his head, still not up for any bedroom shenanigans just yet.

“Maybe later,” he dismisses quickly before getting back to Stiles’ question, “The kids are at my parents. After the day I had I needed some time alone to pull myself together.”

Stiles starts to play with Derek’s hair again and Derek sighs into the ministrations.

“What happened today?” Stiles asks gently when Derek closes his eyes wearily.

“It was a clusterfuck from beginning to end,” Derek says succinctly. “And I hadn’t asked my mom for much help, other than watching Oskar during the day, the whole time you were gone so I finally took her up on her offer to take the kids overnight to get my head on straight.”

Stiles hums and continues rubbing at Derek’s temples until the tension in his neck and shoulders melts away and he starts breathing steadier again.

“I want to shower off the airplane smell and change into civies. Think we can do that or do you need me to stay here for another few minutes?” Stiles asks genuinely but Derek opens his eyes again and brings a hand up to cradle Stiles’ face.

“No, you can shower; I’ll make the bed up and get another load of laundry going while you do,” Derek tells him and Stiles nods, dropping another kiss on Derek’s lips before standing up and moving towards the bathroom, peeling out of his uniform as he goes. Derek lays there feeling like a puddle of relaxed muscles for another moment before he gets off the bed and gets back to work.

_~~Make sure the kids’ homework is done.~~ _

_~~Pack the next day’s lunches.~~ _

_~~Put the kids to bed.~~ _

Derek jogs back downstairs to the laundry room to get the sheets off the top of the dryer where he left them. The washing machine and the dryer are both still running so he leaves with the sheets for his and Stiles’ bed as well as the pillowcases. He hears the shower start to run as he makes it back into the bedroom and he tosses the sheets on the mattress. Sadie curls up in her bed as Derek hums while fitting the pillow cases over their pillows. Step by step he puts the bed back together; sheets, blankets, pillows all placed and arranged correctly.

After he’s done making the bed he sits on the end of it, crosslegged and happy with the iPad and the pizza as he waits for Stiles to get out of the shower. The water cut out a few minutes ago so Derek is just waiting for Stiles to come out of the bathroom, towel around his waist. He’s halfway through another slice of pizza before Stiles makes his entrance into the bedroom, utterly and beautifully naked.

Earlier Derek was too tired to think about doing anything more than sleeping with his husband but seeing all that tan, damp skin on display. Muscles rippling as he walks to the closet and Derek wishes with all his might he had enough energy to jump his husband. But given he hasn’t slept a full night for over a week, and that he’s been awake since 5:00am this morning, Derek doesn’t even so much as twitch in his shorts. He just doesn’t have the energy and he is so damn sad he doesn’t think he could get it up right now.

Stiles comes out of the closet with just a pair of boxers on and smirks at him.

“Honey, you can stop pouting, I don’t have the energy to sex you up either. That’s what tomorrow is for anyway,” Stiles says with a wink as he crawls on the bed and sits next to Derek, pulling a slice of pizza out of the box.

He moans as he bites into it and Derek whimpers, the kids aren’t around to hear it anyway. Stiles smirks as he chews the bite and then swallows.

“This is delicious; way better than the burger I had at the airport.”

“You stopped for food at the airport before coming home?” Derek asks incredulously and Stiles leans in to kiss him, pulling away laughing good-naturedly.

“12 hours ago, babe; I got some food when I was in New York is that okay?”

Derek relaxes again, his flare of confusion fading fast.

“Oh, yeah that’s fair,” he admits sheepishly and Stiles just wiggles closer to him, pressing in close, a hand behind Derek’s back on the mattress so he can rest his chin on Derek’s shoulder.

“You’re cute when you’re flustered, you know that?” he says, smile soft as he looks up at Derek.

Derek turns back facing forward and closes his eyes as he sighs.

“I’m tired okay? It’s been a long month,” he says, blunt and honest.

Stiles turns his face to rest his head on Derek’s shoulder instead of his chin, dropping his other hand across Derek’s thighs.

“I know, Der. It’s been a long month for me too,” Stiles says gently, nuzzling closer.

“Yeah,” Derek breathes and they lapse into a contented quiet.

After a few moments of just getting to sit with one another and simply be in each other’s presence, Stiles shifts and pulls back just enough to raise a hand and turn Derek’s face into a kiss.

“Wanna watch a movie with me?” he asks with a smile Derek can’t resist.

“Let’s do it,” Derek answers softly, reaching up to pull Stiles back to him for another long, slow kiss.

_~~Collapse in bed alone.~~ _

They get rearranged on the bed, putting the pizza box on the dresser and getting Sadie up on the bed with them along Stiles’ side as they pull up Netflix on the iPad. With Stiles sitting up against the headboard, Derek lays down on his side, his head resting against Stiles’ hip. Stiles has an arm thrown around Derek’s shoulders, his other resting on Sadie’s head and Derek has his arm across Stiles’ thighs.

Stiles pulls up his profile on Netflix and scrolls for a minute before he finds the movie he wants to watch. It doesn’t take long and Stiles starts running his fingers through Derek’s hair, easing him closer and closer to sleep. As he relaxes further into the bed Derek stops fighting it. Stiles is home, he’s in their bed with Derek and he is whole and safe. Derek grumbles softly, fighting to keep his eyes open and Stiles’ hand stills in his hair.

“What’s wrong?” Stiles asks, sounding concerned.

Derek shifts around so his mouth isn’t pressed into Stiles’ thigh.

“Have we heard from the kids at all? I haven’t checked in with mom for a few hours,” he explains and Stiles starts petting his hair back again.

“I texted her a few minutes ago, the kids are watching the Lion King and eating popcorn in their pajamas,” Stiles explains calmly and Derek sinks back into his spot on the bed, done fighting to stay awake.

After 33 days of sleeping alone, he finally is sinking into unconsciousness with Stiles in their bed.

Derek is nearly asleep when Stiles starts to whisper.

"The warmth I have in our bed, is the kind I have longed for. The touch I’ve missed as a chore, is finally keeping my heart warm.”

 

_And repeat._

_~~Ad nauseam.~~ _

 

Omnia vincit amor pugnat.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 took some inspiration from Tumblr and posts from [pale-silver-comb](http://www.pale-silver-comb.tumblr.com/) and [crossroadswrite](http://www.crossroadswrite.tumblr.com/) but this [one](http://pale-silver-comb.tumblr.com/post/144549909552/more-teacherderek-because-i-cannot-get-enough/) specifically I need to give credit to for the beard petting :D 


	9. but mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHAT THIS CHAPTER IS ABOUT MY FRIENDS ❤️❤️❤️

 

[August 2016]

 

Derek is walking in the door from dropping the kids off at a play date when Stiles ambushes him.

"We should get married."

Derek freezes, the hand holding his keys hovering over the bowl where he keeps them, that sits right next to the front door, and looks up at Stiles as he walks down the stairs from the second floor. Stiles really enjoys the caught-off-guard expression on Derek's face as he stands in the doorway for a moment too long before he shakes himself, drops his keys and closes the door.

"Okay," Derek shoots back calmly, "did you have a date in mind?" 

"I did," Stiles says, nodding, "I'm thinking August first."

"That's four months away," Derek says slowly, like he's bracing Stiles for the disappointment of his plan falling through.

"Yep," Stiles says with a confident smirk.

"You think you can plan a wedding in four months?" Derek asks, still sounding unsure about the plan.

"No, probably not," Stiles agrees, "but your mother can."

"Mom? Well, yeah, I suppose she's probably going to be doing a lot of intervening if we don't just let her help," Derek admits, both fondly and resigned. 

Stiles can't help but smile at Derek's tone about his mom. He knows that even now Derek's mom can get on his nerves; her over involvement in her children's lives still being mildly irksome. But as their family has expanded, Stiles has seen Derek's attitude towards his mom soften. It's a little bittersweet for Stiles to watch Derek with his mom sometimes; it makes him think of what his life would be like had his mother survived her disease, or if she hadn't gotten in until later in life. He doesn't talk about his own mom very much, and Derek avoids complaining too loudly about Talia knowing how it could make Stiles feel. 

Times like this, when Stiles throws Derek into a situation where he's asking for his mother's over-involvement, Stiles doesn't mind the whining so much. 

It's the first day of spring break and Stiles' dad had asked for them to spend the day with him to go to the park, have lunch and maybe even out for ice cream. So with the kids out of the house, Stiles thought it'd be the best time to bring up his ideas with Derek, and talk it out with him and hopefully Talia. The two of them have been engaged for a year and a half and really, given their whole relationship has been them doing things backwards it's no surprise that their 'future plans' have gone all backwards too. 

Stiles had wanted to get married, pick out a house together and then find a way to have more kids. Instead they bought a house, adopted Lizzy and Ben, and continued to prolong their engagement. Well, Stiles has had enough waiting. He wants to have a wedding and he wants to call Derek his husband and he wants to have more kids, maybe a baby.

There is no real reason to keep avoiding a ceremony and Stiles knows Talia will help him plan things while Derek finishes out the school year. Stiles will have one teaching stint over the summer but it's here in California. His last one was all the way in Georgia and he ended up being gone for almost two weeks. The one this summer won't be that long since it's back on the base in Cali. 

"Well," Derek says, bringing Stiles back from his thoughts, "do you want to go talk to her about it now? We have a few free hours," he suggests.

Stiles just grins as he steps forward and pulls Derek into his arms.

"I may have already called and told her we're coming over," Stiles admits happily and Derek just laughs before leaning in to kiss him. 

 

Less than an hour later they're at Talia and Andrew's house, standing in the entryway hand in hand, announcing they're ready for a wedding. Stiles hadn't explained what they were coming over to discuss so Talia had been slightly worried when she let them in. But as soon as Stiles made his announcement her face transformed from anxious to downright joyful. 

She does just what Stiles anticipated she'd do: she jumps forward wrapping them both in a quick hug before turning and gesturing for them to follow.  

"What date did you pick? How much time do I have?" she asks as they walk into her office.

Stiles merely squeezes Derek's hand as he stifles a laugh before he answers, "I was thinking August 1st."

"Four and a half months? Really?" she asks turning away from her bookshelf, an overflowing binder in hand as she steps towards her desk arching her brow at the two of them. "I was expecting about two week’s notice from you two to pull together a wedding. Four months and we can actually go over some options."

She cracks open her binder and flips to the front page which looks suspiciously like an extensive checklist.

"Alright boys, first thing on the list: how do you feel about colored tuxes?"

*

Stiles understands that people get nervous on their wedding day. The whole thing about going from a singular existence to a joint one is stressful. People have a hard time adjusting from being independent to being tied to another person. Stiles has seen that it doesn't matter how comfortable a person is in the relationship, something about making it a legally binding arrangement changes things, and yeah, it makes people nervous.

Of course there's also the fact that a wedding is a day long, sometimes two day long, event of family and friends all in one space getting bored in the ceremony, eating crappy food at the dinner and drinking far too much at the dance. And being the center of attention during that isn't the easiest thing for a lot of people either.

But knowing all that and knowing that he is a person that tends to be anxious generally, Stiles is quite surprised that he isn't nervous at all when he wakes up on August 1st.

His level of stress is probably a little higher than normal but he is so utterly calm and anxiety free it's remarkable.

When he had envisioned telling Derek's mom they were getting married, he had expected some help planning the ceremony and maybe some help with guest lists and the little things she could do to assist as he did the planning.

Instead, when she'd opened that overflowing binder, Stiles' expectations were thrown out the window. Talia had had every facet of the event organized, such that all he and Derek had to do was voice their preferences between the options she'd already lined up. That had taken more than a few hours to hash out, because for a few things they hadn't liked or approved any of Talia's options. But their disapproval had been limited to her save the dates, invitations and the venue; the stationary she'd picked were nothing like what Stiles and Derek wanted and their plan from the beginning was to have the ceremony at their house and not on some golf course in the next town over.

Even with those changes it was a very short time before everything was all decided upon. After setting up all the reservations and contacting all the people his mother had already lined up, all they had to do was sit back and wait for the day of the ceremony to arrive.

The wedding Talia and Stiles were able to plan is going to be a bigger affair than Stiles ever anticipated. His family is limited to his dad, however, the Hale family and the network of friends John, Talia, Andrew, Stiles and Derek have cultivated through their lives meant the guest list was fairly extensive. So in order to orchestrate an event for such a number of people in their backyard, more effort had to be given than simply setting up a picnic table and some folding chairs. 

Since it's a proper party, and since Talia had planned on such a high number of guests, her plan for the day included everything they needed for the whole event.

They rented chairs and an arbor for the ceremony in the front yard. Then, to limit the number of chairs to rent and set up, they're going to have everyone grab their chair from the ceremony and bring them with to a spot at a table beneath the tent. The tent is set up on the grass in the backyard, with a table on a riser for Stiles, Derek, Allison, Laura and the kids, tables for eating supper and of course, the food. And then there's the food, catered from Derek's favorite restaurant; there will be no rubber chicken dinners for this wedding. Talia handled the flowers and decorations, with only further guidance from the two of them on where to set up the dance floor. She even has a plan for the kid, that neither Stiles nor Derek know anything about. 

With so many details and people to coordinate, the wedding went from a family celebration to a community gathering. By all rights, Stiles should be anxious for such a day, but when he wakes up to the early morning light filtering through his and Derek's bedroom windows he isn't anxious in the slightest. He is excited beyond belief. Derek is still lying next to him, cheeks flushed with sleep, mouth parted slightly as he snores softly. Stiles leans over and presses a kiss to Derek's bare shoulder before he crawls out of bed.

It's going to be a very long day, so naturally he wakes up far too early, he thinks as he checks the time on his phone and sees it is only 06:10. The house is quiet as he pads down the hallway in his socks. The kids are all at Talia's, under Laura's care for the day. Stiles makes his way down to the kitchen for a cup of coffee and looking after some breakfast. The ceremony isn't until 4:30 in the afternoon and Stiles doesn't have to start getting ready for pictures until after lunch so he thinks he's safe to walk downstairs in his plaid pajama pants and no shirt.

They purposefully don't have any plans for the morning; Talia has everything organized and put herself in charge of making sure everything happens correctly over the course of the day.

Stiles yawns widely as he shuffles towards the coffee maker and starts brewing himself a cup. He stares out the kitchen window at the backyard that in a few hours will be teeming with workers putting together everything for the wedding. And then a few hours after that it will teeming with all their family and friends. Stiles shakes his head a little, turning back to his coffee; it's too early for thinking about that just yet.

He's not nervous for the day, but he is a little stressed by a few of the unknowns. The biggest being how everyone is going to get along. And what his kids have planned. And if any of his old unit will get to be here.

He sips at his coffee and tries to put it out of his mind in favor of thinking about what to make for breakfast. Halfway through his cup he turns to the fridge and starts pulling out the things he's going to need. Eggs, bacon, ham, cheese, and leftover potatoes from the night before. He shreds the potatoes and the cheese after getting a pan heating up for the bacon.

By the time he's done with breakfast the tray is almost overflowing. There's the omelettes, bacon, juice, coffee and a dish with yogurt topped with raspberries, strawberries and granola. He puts sets of silverware on the tray, tops off their cups of coffee and heads back upstairs to Derek. The bed is empty when Stiles walks into the bedroom, but as he stands next to it trying to decide just how he wants to set the tray down, Derek comes up behind him, leaning his chin on Stiles' shoulder and his hands falling loosely on Stiles' hips.

"Morning," Derek mumbles into Stiles' neck, voice rough with sleep.

“Good morning, almost-husband,” Stiles responds quietly, as Derek starts peppering kisses down his neck.

“I was supposed to be the one who made breakfast,” Derek grumbles and Stiles laughs.

“I woke up first. Are you really complaining?”

Derek sighs and pulls away to crawl back onto the bed.

“No, now come sit down so we can eat it while it’s still warm.”

Stiles hands the tray over to Derek so he can crawl back into the bed and sit, close next to Derek while they eat. While he knows that this day is going to have numerous memorable moments, he can't help but think this moment is going to be one of his favorites. That on the day they proclaim to the world their love for each other, he and Derek were able to start the day simply in each other's presence. That there's no drama or nerves, just feeding each other bites of omelette between sips of coffee.

Eventually, they finish their breakfast and Derek takes the tray with the empty dishes back down to the kitchen whiles Stiles goes to the bathroom. He debates taking a shower while he brushes his teeth, and ultimately decides he can wait a few more hours before he starts getting ready. 

As he emerges from the bathroom, he sees Derek is back from the kitchen with his second cup of coffee looking all soft and peaceful as he stares out the window into the forest with the morning sunlight splashing across his face. Stiles can't help but pull his camera up on his phone and snap a picture of the scene.

He walks up behind Derek then and embraces him, much like Derek had to Stiles earlier, with his chin on Derek's shoulder and his arms around Derek's waist. Stiles revels in being able to simply breathe with Derek for a few more moments before he hears someone on the landing of the stairs. Since they can look out their window and see Erica's car already parked and Allison coming up the drive, Stiles knows his one-on-one time with Derek is done for the day until all is said and done. He kisses Derek's neck, just a quick peck of lips, before turning to find Erica standing in the open doorway, looking suspiciously like she'd just finished taking a picture of them.

"Well, boys," she greets, with her trademark grin, "you ready for this?"

After Erica and Allison's arrival, things start to pick up speed. It seemed to open the gates for everyone else to follow their example and suddenly their quiet house is filled with activity. The crew shows up and starts working on the tent, more people are around setting up chairs and laying down the dance floor. After yet another run through of their plans the girls shove Derek and Stiles into separate showers. And after they emerge they get to dress in clean sweats while they eat lunch and then the real hustle starts.

They get bustled back to separate rooms and Allison spends far too much time styling Stiles’ hair given the fact he'll have his beret on with his dress uniform for most of the day. He gets a sharp look and a smack to the shoulder when he voices that complaint and decides that whatever she wants him to do he'll be sitting through it silently. Once he's got everything on his uniform straightened and in order, Stiles exits the guest bedroom looking for Derek.

Instead he's greeted by his kids all looking remarkably put together and frankly adorable. Emily and Lizzy are both wearing dresses, different styles but similar in color. Someone curled Lizzy's blonde hair into ringlets that bounce as she walks, and Emily has had her hair pinned up and braided back beautifully. Stiles kneels down to be wrapped in their hugs first, then one from Ben. And Ben is dressed up too; he's wearing pants that match Derek's suit and a bright red bowtie with his white button down and has his hair slicked back neatly. He doesn't get a whole lot of time with the kids though, just long enough to hug them hello it feels like.

Because then he's being directed outside to start taking pictures and there he sees Derek waiting for him, in his tan tuxedo that matches Stiles’ tan Army Rangers beret. He looks amazing; the suit tailored to fit and accentuate all of Derek's muscles and assets. His hair is perfectly coifed and his beard is neat and trimmed. But it's the elated smile, the sparkling eyes that draw Stiles to him, have always drawn Stiles to him.

As the pictures progress, Stiles sees the caterers show up, the tables being set and final decorations being straightened. And then suddenly he and Derek and the kids are being shuffled into the house as their family and friends start arriving.

The ceremony is simple. The seats are filled with Derek's family, Stiles' dad, their friends and even a few of Stiles' Army friends. The kids walk their grandparents down the aisle; Allison and Laura stand up as their best women. The vows they exchange are not anything original, but Stiles and Derek have already been through more in their relationship than most couples face in their whole lifetime.

What with the PTSD, depression, kidnapping and recoveries, they’ve been through enough and survived enough, to have proven to each other at least one thing: their commitment to each other can weather anything.

After the vows, all that’s left is for them to kiss, exchange rings, and they’re married. A few hundred pictures later and Stiles and Derek are finally sitting at their table waiting for their meals.

“I’m still really happy, but I have to stop smiling for a minute, my face _hurts,_ ” Stiles whispers to Derek making him laugh.

Derek just grabs Stiles’ hand and squeezes it with a frown.

“Me too.”

They get through the dinner, miraculously without spilling anything on themselves and Stiles finds himself grinning so big his cheeks hurt, again, when the kids get up from the table and walk over to the microphone together. Emily and Ben get Lizzy situated between them and Ben leans down to whisper something to her before she's nodding emphatically at him. Emily has the microphone off its stand and she sends him a small smile before she hands it down to Lizzy to hold and start the speeches for the evening.

"Batman, Thor, Superman, and Captain Marvel are all superheroes in the comics I read with my dads," Lizzy says, eyes on the ceiling as she recites her part of their speech. She pauses to take a breath and looks around at all the people staring at her, Ben and Emily. After a pause, Emily looks down and sees that Lizzy got distracted and gives her a little nudge.

"Oh, yeah!" Lizzy says loudly into the microphone before she continues with, "But not all heroes wear capes," she rattles off quickly and passes the mic to her brother.

Ben just smiles at her before Stiles watches him steel himself for his part of the speech as he looks over the crowd.

"Our dads are our heroes," he articulates carefully. "And our family is as wonderful as it is, because of their love for each other and for us. We're happy you're all here to help us celebrate that love today."

He passes the mic back to Emily who takes a deep breath and says, "I thought a lot about what I wanted to say today and I found out that I could keep you all here all night telling you about my dads and how much of a difference Derek has made on my dad and me and our lives. But to keep it short: I love both of them, more than I know how to say, and I'm so happy they're finally getting married and we get to celebrate with you all tonight."

The crowd applauds as the kids make their way back over to the head table and Stiles and Derek both stand up to give them all hugs. And if he ends up clinging for a long moment to Emily a little, well, she clings right back.

Next up are the best men's speeches and Stiles isn't really ready, because where his kids almost brought him to tears of happiness, he knows Allison's speech is going to push him over the edge.

When Allison stands up Stiles' throat tightens instantly. She wouldn't tell him what she planned on saying so he hasn't had a chance to really prepare himself. She's already got a tissue in her hand and Stiles is suddenly misty eyed. She hasn't even _started_ yet, goodness. Derek subtly passes him a package of tissues as she picks up the microphone and smiles at the crowd of their families and friends. 

"Hello everyone," she starts, confidently, "It's time for the best man speech, so, here I am. When Stiles asked me to be his best woman, it involved tears from both of us so, bear in mind it'll probably happen again now. For those of you who may not know, my late husband, Scott McCall, and Stiles grew up together. From kindergarten to the Army Rangers, they were almost always together. They were even together when Scott was killed in action," she continues, voice only wobbling slightly. 

"Now, Scott knew a long time ago that he would be Stiles' best man whenever he got married. I know this because it was how he introduced me to Stiles when we were just in grade school. So I have here, the speech my husband wrote at the tender age of 17 in order to be prepared for the day that his best friend got hitched."

Stiles feels a tear roll down his cheek but he can't stop staring at the piece of paper in Alison's hand. She looks down at him, equally as teary eyed but she still smiles. She clears her throat and holds the paper up to read what Scott wrote years ago. 

"Normally, a best man knows both the people getting married when they write their speech. But I don't. I don't know you, whoever is marrying my best friend. At least right now I don't. But I'd like to think my speech would be the same. Not many people have known Stiles as long as I have. And as most of the people here probably know, I could go on for hours with embarrassing stories. Because I could tell the one about Stiles dragging me out of bed to go walk through the woods looking for a dead body in the middle of the night. Which ended with me getting bit by a dog and needing to get rabies shots in my ass for a week. Or the time he got bubble gum in his hair in middle school so badly that he has sported a buzz cut ever since."

The crowd laughs as Allison pauses and Stiles sniffles, trying to keep it together. He had no idea Scott wrote this, he still has no idea where this is going to go either. 

"But really you should hear the one about how Stiles was the one there with the extra inhaler he carried whenever I couldn't find my own and had an asthma attack. Or how he was there when my dad tried to waltz back into my life, to help me stand up for myself and my mom. Or how despite having panic attacks for months after his mother's death, he hid them from his dad to try and keep from adding stress onto his life."

“At this point you're maybe wondering why I didn't just make this a lighthearted funny speech. But, if you truly know the person you're marrying, you'd know why." 

"Because whoever you are, boy or girl," Allison continues, smirking down at Stiles while he blushes slightly, "you'll know, that if Stiles has chosen to care about you, he will do everything in his power to keep you safe and happy. That he is loyal and steadfast and strong in the face of adversity. That he will sometimes make the wrong choices but they're for the right reasons. And that he will love you with all that he has. And let me tell you, for someone so particular in who he lets in his circle of close friends, he has more love in his heart than any person I've ever known."

"Since, presumably, you're already married to the guy, I hope you realize how lucky you are to get to spend the rest of your life with my best friend. Because there is no better person you could have chosen to share this commitment with. I'll love you forever, Stiles. So your spouse better realize we're a package deal. Congratulations, you guys. Cheers." 

Stiles is openly crying now, overwhelmed with the words from his best friend, but he doesn’t think anyone is judging him as he stands and wraps Allison in a tight hug. She passes the microphone to Derek behind his back and just holds him for a moment as he pulls himself together. Scott never told him he wrote that speech. He never did more than hint at his approval of Derek. But Stiles just found a great deal of peace from Allison giving his speech. And he needs just a moment to wrap his head around that.

They don’t draw the hug or the moment out but as they sit down he keeps a hold of Allison’s hand and Derek’s hand lays comfortingly on his leg as they turn to face Laura for her speech.

Laura’s speech is funny; she tells stories about Derek growing up. She tells about how much she missed him while he was off on the other side of the country. She jokes about undying gratitude for the guy who got him to come home without really making it a joke. She talks about how they hold each other up through the tough stuff and that she’s glad her brother could find someone like he did.

It’s a perfect transition to the parent’s speeches that do more to embarrass than anything. And then once those are over, things move onto the dance floor and the heavy emotional parts of the day are over.

Stiles dances with his dad, Derek dances with his mom and then they dance with their kids before they open it up for everyone. It’s nothing too special just your typical wedding dance but Stiles thinks everyone has fun anyway. He spends more than one dance thinking of ways to get Derek into his arms on a dance floor after the wedding is through. They haven't had much time to go out just the two of them, let alone go out dancing. Stiles learns that there is just something so inherently comforting in the close press of their bodies, the slow sway as they move to the rhythm of the music. Stiles thinks he could stay in that happy, comfortable bubble for hours on end.

There’s enough things around, on the tables, for the kids that are present to remain occupied. And there’s a big enough bar, courtesy of Andrew, to keep the adults pleasantly buzzed. Nobody gets sloppy drunk and there’s no drama between their families. All the things Stiles had been concerned with turned out to be non-issues and he is the most thankful for that.

Clean-up is left to the crew, orders from Talia and Laura who continue with the tradition of the day and shove Stiles, Derek and the kids to where they need to be instead. Once they're all inside, Stiles realizes Talia had plans for the house as well. The shades are all drawn, with the lights on dim, it makes for a peaceful sanctuary after their day paraded in front of so many people.

Stiles has long since removed his cover, but now he can finally loosen his tie as they all walk into the kitchen and see what's been left for them. At the three breakfast bar stools are three boxes, wrapped in shiny blue paper. Emily, Ben and Lizzy take their normal spots excitedly and Stiles and Derek stand across from them. 

"What's this?" Emily asks as they pull the boxes towards themselves, all poised to open them once given permission.

"Well, today was a big day for our family, and everybody who brought presents brought them for your dad and I," Derek explains, smile firmly in place. "We didn't want you to feel left out so we, and your grandparents, got you guys something." 

"Can we open it yet?" Lizzy asks impatiently as she starts toying with one of the corners on the box.

"Open them up!" Stiles cries, excitedly. 

The kids laugh at him even as they're ripping the paper and opening the boxes. Ben is the first to figure it out as he pulls out a pair of Mickey Mouse ears and an envelope with their ticket into the park.

"We're going to Disney Land?" he yells and Emily and Lizzy both squeal as they pull out their own ears and understand what they mean. 

"We're going to go on a little vacation after Christmas," Stiles explains over their excited chatter. "Nana Talia, Grandpa Andrew and Pops will all be coming with so some days we can all be together and some days your dad and I will have some time to ourselves." 

Lizzy grabs Ben's hand to show him something, but Emily sets her things back in the box and looks up at him and Derek seriously.

"This is your honeymoon trip, isn't it? And you'r taking us with you?" 

"Well, your dad and I decided we wouldn't feel right being gone for a long trip and not having you guys with us," Derek answers her. Then he shrugs, crosses his arms and sniffs, "You don't have to come, I suppose." 

"No!" she cries, shaking her head, "No, I want to come." 

Derek laughs lightly and they both come around the island to gather the kids into hugs. 

"We can talk about the trip more tomorrow," Stiles says as he pulls back from hugging Ben and Emily. "But for right now, what's say we all get out of these monkey suits and into some pajamas?"

The kids are agreeable, even if they're still excited over the announcement. But it’s in no time at all that Stiles has worked the braid from Emily’s hair, Derek has brushed through Lizzy’s curls and the three kids are all in pajamas and tucked into bed. 

 

Crawling back into their own bed, freshly showered and wearing just a pair of boxer briefs is definitely in the running for one of the best moments of his day. Of course, he revises that opinion after Derek slides in next to him and pulls Stiles to him, tangling their legs together and nuzzling his way into Stiles' neck. They both sigh as they relax into the soft mattress and realize they're both fighting to stay awake. 

"Stiles," Derek says, sleepily, as he presses a kiss to where his head is buried in Stiles' neck.

"Hmm," Stiles responds, already half asleep.

"Today was perfect," Derek says, pulling back slightly and raising a hand to hold Stiles' face gently, his thumb swiping across Stiles' cheek until he opens his eyes. 

"I love you," Derek tells him, before leaning in to kiss Stiles on the lips gently. 

When he pulls back Stiles smiles softly up at him before he raises a hand to Derek's face to pull him back in. 

They spend their last few waking moments trading slow, sleepy kisses that are interspersed with soft, 'love you's and 'I'm so happy's. And of all the things in Stiles' life, his family, his recovering health, his friends, his job, his house, all the things he's thankful for, grateful to have, he realizes in that moment, falling asleep in his husband's arms, the man that has brought so much change and happiness and wondrousness into Stiles' life. 

Stiles is the most thankful for Derek, for his husband, that he has someone who will be at his side for the rest of their days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for coming along on the ride of this series and waiting so patiently for the wedding :)


	10. Reference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's some approximate dates to put things in perspective :)

**From Desert to Home**

August 2013 - First Letter Exchanged

March 2014 - Meet in real life

June 2014 - Stiles home from Afghanistan for good

December 2014 - Proposal

* * *

 

**Protecting Home**

May 2015 - Daehler Ordeal

July 2015 - Adoption of Ben and Lizzy

September 2015 - Labor Day BBQ

* * *

**Life at Home**

        2015

November  - Chapter 1          (1,264 words)

        2016

February    - Chapter 5           (2,063 words)

March         - Chapter 7          (4,600 words)

April           - Chapter 2          (4,386 words)

July             - Chapter 4          (10,017 words)

August       - Chapter 9          (5,437 words)

September - Chapter 6           (1,297 words)

November  - Chapter 8          (9,969 words)

        2017

January      - Chapter 3          (3,682 words)

June           - Chapter 10 [theoretical bonus chapter] 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, feel free to come talk to me on [tumblr](http://acountrygirlsfun.tumblr.com/), leave comments, or kudos (or repeat kudos comments like this [post](http://smokesforsterek.tumblr.com/post/142375826081/howdidthisevenhappenanyway-licieoic/) suggested)!


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